回想 ; アヘン喰いみたいな人生 recollection ; opium-eating life

眠りと眠気は如何にも邪悪な造物だといま強く感じれる。
I could now feel strongly how awfully sinister sleeping and sleepiness as man's Creations are.
昔ではどうせ起きてもやりたい事もないなので、毎日学校を終えた後
In the past when I was awake there was nothing particularly I would like to do, thus everyday after school,
アニメとか、小説とかで何時間を消費したら、眠る
I would spend a couple meaningless hours on watching anime or reading a book, and then would go to sleep.
全ての意志と想像は寝床から初めて、寝床まで終える
All my Volition and Imagination begun from the sleeping crib (a bed), and ended itself into the sleeping crib (a bed).
中国人らしく、阿片(あへんん）喰いの人生だった
Like all Chinese men, I led the life of an opium-eater.
ツァラトゥストラが言った眠りと眠りへの愛とまたく同じことです。
Exactly like how Zarathustra said about sleep and the love of it.
いま、ほんとにやりたい事があって、起きてそれをやりたいですが、
Even though nowadays, I have things I truly want to do, and want to do it while staying awake.
薬と病、そして睡眠習慣によって何もかもなかばあきらめなくちゃならない
My medication and neural disorder itself, in addition to inculcated bad sleep habits since I quit school due to my condition, I could only do things I want to half-measures most of the times 
精神の阿片に毒した人生から立ち直りたいな
I ardently wish to, and desire for, getting up on my feet again after recuperating from my youth which was poisoned by opium of the mind (nihilism, boredom, materialism, social climbing mindset, and the growing despondence to everything)
毎日休む事は仕事の病人すらこの様、起きて生きる時間がなくって
even to a patient whose sole occupation involves only resting and recovering, there is left to me so little time to live his life being awake.
本気に仕事している人々たちがどうやって生きるのは想像も付かないです
I shudder to imagine what people who have day-jobs would have led their own lives…
やっぱり以前読んだ英語の小説みたいに、
is it inevitable that the truth is close to that English novel I once read,
１９世紀のアメリカで、木曜日が来てるまで、子供も大人もダラダラで労働と勉強した後で、寝床に根を下ろすの人生なのか？
about people in 19th century America--until the coming of Friday, regardless of being adults or children, would do the daily quote of their labouring or studying in the most insolent fashion, and then would only rest their weary feet upon the bed and their feet would grow rooted to it---this, their whole life?

中学の頃、自分の神経障害が現れ始めるまでは、月曜から木曜まで、ベッドでダラダラと小説を読むこともありました。
During middle school, before the symptoms of my neural disorder begun to show, I used to read on my novels lazily on my bed, from Monday to Friday.

そのせいで視力が凄く低下しました。しかしこれは私のpetite résistance (小さいな抵抗）でもあります。
Owing to this my eyesight deteriorated significantly. Although I must declare this is also to be my petite résistance.
変な事に、以前絶対に科学と数学に携わる事は夢だったのに、病と経済的にだめになった後自立で文学を学び、文を書く事の真似を始めた。
Oddly, in the past I was adamantine on working as a researcher in the field of science or mathematics, and as I was forced to leave that kind of degree program at university due to my illness and financial difficulties,  I started learning by myself English, Chinese and Japanese literature, and started my imitation of poetry. essays and short stories.

小学校の時も正直言って数式より、詩を読む事と文学授業の宿題として教科書に載っている小説を改作する事は一番楽しいだと今ではそう思います。

In retrospect, at elementary school, frankly I was delighted more than reading Chinese translated modern Indian poems in an anthology our class teacher bought for each one of us, and the homework assignment to rewrite a paragraph in the short story from the Chinese literature textbook, than solving mathematical equations and making sense of formulae.