#25 当たり前という奇跡-7

２００３．１２．６(土)
　今日は，なんともなぁな１日だった．今日で移植から１０日が過ぎたのだが，ついにあいつがやって来たのだ．そう，GVHDだ．少々フライング気味ではないだろうか．なんだかバタバタで落ち着く前にやって来た．先生方曰く，全く出ないよりも出た方が良いということなので，そういう意味ではまぁいいかという感じです．肝心のGVHDは，全身の痒み，３９度以上の熱発，倦怠感です．もちろん，これまでに出てきていた吐き気や口，喉の痛みは継続中です．うまい表現ができないけど，とっても辛いです．本当に，つら．．．
おやすみなさい．
 
２００３．１２．７(日)
　今日，採血で白血球が２００から４００に上がっていた．すごく嬉しかった．絶対値が少ないけれど，好中球が７割程度あったとのことで，それも嬉しい話だ．ただ，無菌解除にするラインというものが，好中球８００以上とのことらしいので，まだ時間はかかりそうです．ひとまず，久しぶりの明るい話でした．はい．
 
２００３．１２．８(月)
　今日，１２日ぶりに食べ物を食べた．食べたのはレトルトのおかゆとコーンポタージュの計約１５０キロカロリーの夕飯だった．まだ味覚障害もあるため，味は全くわからなかったけど，物を噛み，飲み込めることの素晴らしさを実感した．すごいわ，物を食えるって．今日は夕飯だけだったが，明日は朝と夕の２食，明後日は３食をとる予定だ．だけど，心配なのは消化器．これまで全然食べていなかったから，消化器の機能がどうなるか．下痢にならなければ良いらしいので，お腹を温めて大人しくしていようと思います．でも，食べてからすぐにお腹がグルグルしている．トイレが近くなるのだろうか．
　そして，嬉しい報告です．今日，とうとう個室を抜けられました．廊下を歩いたのも２週間ぶり．歩けるって素晴らしいな．個室にいた時は動けないし，動けても狭いし，同じ顔しか見ないから，精神的にも本当に辛かった．でも，晴れて個室を卒業できたから，これまでのイライラも少しずつ良くなっていくだろう．M先生に，無菌室１２日で卒業は普通なのか確認したら，「普通の人よりも３日くらい早いかな」とのことだった．３日って笑．すごい微妙笑．でも，親はとても喜んでくれていたみたい．それは嬉しいです．久しぶりに家に電話したら，おばちゃんがすぐに見舞いに来てくれた．自分は本当に幸せ者なんだなって感じた．家族から心配されるのってすごい愛情なんですよね．口うるさく言うのも，本当に心配しているからだろうし．その家族のためにも，早く元気になって帰宅したいと思います．

December 6, 2003 (Saturday)　
Today was a very strange day.
Today, 10 days have passed since the transplant, and he has finally arrived. Yes, GVHD. I think it's a little bit of a flighty one. It came before I could settle down.
The doctors say that it is better to have GVHD than not to have it at all, so in that sense, it's OK.
The GVHD is itching all over the body, fever over 39 degrees Celsius, and malaise. Of course, the nausea and sore mouth and throat that I have been experiencing are still present. I don't know how to describe it, but it's very painful. It's really hard.... Good night.

December 7, 2003(Sun)　
Today, my white blood cell count went up from 200 to 400.
I was very happy.
Although the absolute value was low, there were about 70% of neutrophils, which was also a good news.
However, it seems that the line for sterile release is 800 or more neutrophils, so it will take more time. At any rate, this is the first positive news in a long time. I'm glad to hear that.

December 8, 2003 (Monday)　
Today, I ate for the first time in 12 days. It was a retort porridge and corn potage, about 150 calories in total. Since I still have taste disorder, I could not taste anything, but I realized how wonderful it is to be able to chew and swallow. It's amazing to be able to eat.
Today I had only supper, but tomorrow I will have two meals, breakfast and supper, and the day after tomorrow I will have three meals. But I am worried about my digestive system. Since I haven't eaten at all so far, I'm not sure how my digestive system will function. I've heard that it's good if you don't get diarrhea, so I'm going to keep my stomach warm and stay quiet. But my stomach is rumbling immediately after eating. I wonder if it makes me go to the bathroom more frequently.　And I am happy to report that I finally got out of the private room today. Today, I finally got out of my private room.
It's been two weeks since I walked in the hallway. It's wonderful to be able to walk. When I was in the private room, I couldn't move, and even if I could move, it was very narrow, and I saw only the same faces, so it was really hard mentally. I asked Dr. M if it was normal to graduate in 12 days from a sterile room, and he said “about 3 days earlier than normal”. 3 days lol.... Three days is very subtle lol.... But his parents seemed to be very happy. I'm glad to hear that. I called home for the first time in a while, and my auntie came to visit me right away.
I felt that I was really lucky. It is a great love to be worried about by family members. I think the reason they nag so much is because they really care about me. For the sake of my family, I hope to get well soon and return home.