You shouldn't (can't) understand.

Introduction

You love pickles and I don't.

I love novels and you don't.

You like women and I don't.

I have recently been feeling that the world is divided in two like this.

Of course, people who like pickles can't understand the feelings of people who don't like them.

Everyone has his or her own reasons.

Whether congenital or acquired, people have their own egos as an example.

Like people around the world who think Japanese people like sushi,

the world is filled with stereotypes.

The most common example is that people like the opposite sex.

For people like me, who are bound by it, there wasn't normal adolescence.

Rupture

When I first entered the high school, I met a guy who was straightforward and stupid.

Compared to the cynical me, he was too pure.

Before I knew it, I fell in love with him.

I don't know why.

But when I talk to him, I always look away from his eyes.

I like the smell of his fabric softener,

and just hearing him read my name makes my day.

We started talking a little bit more.

Unknowingly, we had become such good friends that we even went out together.

As the relationship became complicated,

I realized that I liked him until I couldn't go back to him anymore.

I was lost in a muddled mixture of apology and happiness.

Even though he went out of his way to reach out to me,

he was always there for me.

But I'm sure that his kindness comes from being my friend,

nothing more, nothing less.

I'm sure it's a natural thing for friends.

But I can't help but feel a sparkle in my eyes when I see his kindness.

I am so tired of my inadequacy to accept his kindness.

I felt disgusted many times.

But in fact, I couldn't help it.

Because it was me.

Sudden

One day on the way home.

You were looking down a little, so I said something to you.

"What's wrong?"

"I was dumped by someone I like."

"I want you to comfort me."

"There's nothing good in depending on me like that."

These words came from my heart.

I am a cynical person after all.

I'm sorry.

That's not what I meant.

That's not what I wanted to say.

If you want, I can hug you tightly right now,

and stroke your head gently.

I want to care for you endlessly.

But the kindness I can give you is completely different from the kindness you're looking for.

I think it's selfish of me.

I don't think it's right for me to be the only one who feels happy.

I can't do anything for you.

"But if I could say one word to you..."

"There are countless good things about you that you don't even know about.

"It was silly that she couldn't realize your best part."

"I'm sure you'll meet the right girl when the time comes, even if you don't do anything special for you."

"You are cool just the way you are."

The reason why I can talk like this,

I feel like I know you better than anyone else.

I'm the closest and the furthest from you.

I'm relieved to finally be confronted with the truth.

I love you stupidly and you don't.

You can't possibly know, can you?

That's what makes me the happiest.