You are Stronger Than you Know

Author：Hiromi Kawamura

The words my eight-year-old daughter told me one day are engraved in my heart and remain there to this day.

Three years ago, I came back to Japan with my one-year-old son and five-year-old daughter. We brought back only the minimum belongings back then. It was a tough task ahead of me, starting a new life from scratch after coming back to Japan with two small kids.

The nursery schools that I could send my kids to were limited to working parents. Thus, I worked part-time at a convenience store to maintain a job while looking for a full-time job at the same time. It was the first time in 10 years that I went back to the workforce, and a high school student who worked the shift with me taught me what to do. Two months after working part-time at that store, I finally got a full-time job at a business enterprise.

However, the reality of being a full-time working single mother was not so easy. The working environment for single working mothers was still harsh and severe. Taking time off from work was inevitable for me and my coworkers would have to cover my work while I was gone. When I could not get my work done within business hours I had to work overtime or come to work on the weekends. 

My one-year-old son got sick almost every day at his very first nursery school, and the teachers would call my office often to tell me to come pick up my sick son. I received multiple calls even during my orientation training program at the company.

One day, while receiving another call from the nursery school, I felt tears flowing down my cheeks. I didn’t know what to do. I felt hopeless. I wanted to do my best to get my family settled, but there were so many obstacles.
What should I do? Should I just consider getting a part-time job so that I don’t have to work long hours?

Day by day, these negative thoughts grew bigger and bigger.

I was in such a tough situation, but I did not give up applying for other job opportunities. One sunny day, I received a call from a company telling me that I got a job there. At this company, “Family First” was the policy everyone followed, so I didn’t have to feel guilty or uncomfortable when leaving early or being absent at work to take care of my kids.

One year passed, and my supervisor brought me the wonderful news. He said there would be a promotion opportunity coming up, and that I should apply for it. It was such an honor, but the job was going to be very stressful with many difficult tasks that I would have to deal with. I could not decide right away.

One night, during bath time with my kids, I asked my daughter:

There is a new job opening at work that I am interested in. I am not sure though if I can do it. It would be a difficult job.

My daughter looked directly at me and said :

You can handle it. You are stronger than you know, mom!

It was a line from her favorite princess movie. I had not seen the movie, but her words filled me with tears and melted my heart. Since coming back to Japan, I had been feeling alone without anyone to understand or accept me for who I was, so I had to keep myself going by any means.

With that, my daughter’s words made me realize that I was wrong.

The person who was the closest to me all these days was my daughter, and she was the very person who understood what I went through and supported me every time I needed it. I was not the only one who went through hard times. In a new country with new people, a new environment, and with their mother always super busy without a smile, the kids had gone through many difficulties themselves.

Mixed feelings of “Thank you” and “Sorry” filled my heart.

After all this, I politely turned down the promotion. What I wanted to cherish the most at the moment was not to get us into a better financial state quickly, but to focus on our quality of lives. A life with good relationships with my kids with lots of talk and laughter. That was our vision of quality time together.

The valuable lesson my daughter taught me: “You are stronger than you know.” I am stronger than I know. Nothing can scare me; I can climb any walls. With these kids, I am Superwoman!

This essay was written by Hiromi Kawamura for the Mother's Day campaign by Single Mothers Sisterhood. Single Mothers' Sisterhood is the non-profit organization based in Japan to support single mothers' self-care of their mental and physical wellness through online self-care classes where single mothers can feel a warm and supportive connection with each other. 

This campaign celebrates the irreplaceable charm of single mothers and calls for "valuing yourself" and "importance of self-care. We want to shed light on positive aspects of our lives!! We welcome donations to support the empowerment of single mothers. See also the Mother's Day campaign 2021 support page.

Mother's Dayキャンペーン2021｜シングルマザーズシスターフッド