“How ESL speakers struggle”

“How ESL speakers struggle”

I have had flashbacks for these 3 weeks. Last week I had to talk about my trauma story multiple times.

Because of my trauma, I lost trust in myself and I need empowerment. But I missed some appointments last week and couldn’t stop messing everything up. I intentionally chose it, and experienced my trauma again and again, feeling that no one turned to me, or that I am not a trustworthy person.

My tasks I usually do in my everyday life in Canada are:

1)
People especially care workers think my ability is not enough in some way. Usually, I am their first case of a refugee claimant and ESL leaner.

2)
But I have more knowledge in some areas than they do.

3)
Also I have to talk to them about something they don’t know, which depends on my knowledge they don’t have.

4)
So I have to let them know about these 3 things simultaneously.

5)
They try to examine it, but I feel nervous and try to speak correctly.

6)
But it’s not good to talk in a non-native language while thinking about correct grammar. It makes it impossible for us to speak well. But usually they don’t know about it.

7)
Care workers find proof that I don’t have abilities from my this attitude in this situation.

8)
And they say “Your English ability isn’t enough.”  and they can’t check what’s I originally try to explain.

9)
These situations traumatize me again and again.