英検１級英作文 ChatGPTによる採点(4)

１　１つ目の質問（英作文の添削をしてもらう）

・自分からの質問
「英検１級の英作文を以下のように書きました。添削とアドバイスをお願いします。

Topic↓
Will the world become more peaceful in the future?

英作文↓
     I think making more peaceful world in the future is a difficult thing.  The world has been facing many kinds of war in any eras.  Furthermore, population will increase, which means people will confront food loss, demand for rare-earth elements, and a new type of war.
     First of all, food loss will be a serious problem in the future because population will grow and people have to need more food.  Global warming will also make it difficult to produce enough crops.  We need to find a way to feed everyone in the world.
     Secondly, rare-earth elements will be wanted all over the world.  Those elements are necessary in useful devices, such as cars and smartphones.  Although people have developed splendid technologies, rare-earth elements are literally rare, and many countries will compete to require them.
     Lastly, as a result of developing technology, there will be a new type of war; the space war.  Human beings have conducted wars to get lands and resources.  Rockets have been sending astronauts to the space.  Visiting the space will be a lot easier in the future, which means some countries might compete to dominate a place like the moon.
     For these reasons, I do not think the world will become more peaceful in the future.  We need to find means to solve problems.  We should not leave them to the next generations.」

・ChatGPTからの回答
「Your essay is well-structured, and you've provided a thoughtful analysis of potential challenges to achieving a more peaceful world in the future. However, there are some grammatical and stylistic suggestions to enhance clarity and coherence. Here's a revised version with corrections:

Revised: I believe achieving a more peaceful world in the future is a challenging endeavor. Throughout various eras, the world has confronted numerous types of wars. Furthermore, the global population is projected to increase, leading to challenges such as food shortages, demand for rare-earth elements, and the emergence of new forms of conflict.

Firstly, food loss will become a significant problem in the future due to population growth, requiring an increased food supply. Global warming will also exacerbate the difficulty of producing sufficient crops, necessitating innovative solutions to ensure global food security.

Secondly, there will be a rising demand for rare-earth elements worldwide, crucial components in devices like cars and smartphones. Despite impressive technological advancements, these elements are inherently scarce, prompting fierce global competition for their acquisition.

Lastly, the development of technology may give rise to a new type of war: space warfare. Throughout history, conflicts have often revolved around securing land and resources. With space exploration becoming more accessible, there is a potential for countries to compete for dominance in celestial bodies like the moon.

In conclusion, considering these challenges, I am skeptical that the world will become more peaceful in the future. It is imperative that we proactively seek solutions to these issues rather than passing them on to future generations.」

２　２つ目の質問（何点になるかを教えてもらう。）

・自分からの質問
「英検１級の英作文を以下のように書いたら、何点ぐらいですか？日本語で回答をお願いします。内容、構成、語彙、文法、総合得点を教えてください。各項目が８点満点で採点され、合計３２点です。
Topic↓
Will the world become more peaceful in the future?

英作文↓
     I think making more peaceful world in the future is a difficult thing. The world has been facing many kinds of war in any eras. Furthermore, population will increase, which means people will confront food loss, demand for rare-earth elements, and a new type of war.
     First of all, food loss will be a serious problem in the future because population will grow and people have to need more food. Global warming will also make it difficult to produce enough crops. We need to find a way to feed everyone in the world.
      Secondly, rare-earth elements will be wanted all over the world. Those elements are necessary in useful devices, such as cars and smartphones. Although people have developed splendid technologies, rare-earth elements are literally rare, and many countries will compete to acquire them.
     Lastly, as a result of developing technology, there will be a new type of war; the space war. Human beings have conducted wars to get lands and resources. Rockets have been sending astronauts to the space. Visiting the space will be a lot easier in the future, which means some countries might compete to dominate a place like the moon.
     For these reasons, I do not think the world will become more peaceful in the future. We need to find means to solve problems. We should not leave them to the next generations.」

・ChatGPTからの回答
「詳細な点数は与えられませんが、簡潔かつ明確な表現が求められる英検１級の試験において、以下の点に注意するとより高いスコアが期待されます：

内容（8点）:

• 良い点：一般的なアイデアが明確に表現されています。将来の平和に関する懸念が具体的に示されています。

• 改善点：もう少し詳細な例や補足的な情報を加えることで、論理的な強みが生まれます。

構成（8点）:

• 良い点：序論、本論、結論が明確に分かれています。

• 改善点：もう少しパラグラフごとのつながりを強調するために、適切なリンク表現を導入すると良いでしょう。

語彙（8点）:

• 良い点：一般的な表現が用いられています。専門用語も適切に使われています。

• 改善点：もう少しバラエティ豊かな語彙を導入すると、文章が豊かになります。

文法（8点）:

• 良い点：基本的な文法は正確ですが、いくつかの誤りが見られます。

• 改善点：特に冠詞や前置詞の正確な使用に注意を払い、文章をより流暢にすると良いでしょう。

総合的な感想:

• 文章は一般的なアイデアを十分に表現しており、構造も一貫しています。しかし、より詳細な具体例や改善された語彙・文法を加えることで、より洗練された作文になるでしょう。」

３　ChatGPTに採点をしてもらっての振り返り

・food lossはfood shortagesという表現の方がいいなぁと思う。
・many kinds of~はnumerous types ofと書くとアカデミックに感じる。
・enoughの代わりにsufficientを使えるようになりたい。
・problemはissueにパラフレーズできる。
・分詞構文は読むときは理解できても、自分で書くとなると難しそう。意識して分詞構文を使ってみようと思った。
・以前は点数をつけてもらえたのに、今回は「詳細な点数は与えられません」とのこと。その日によって対応が違うのか？
・ChatGPTは自分が何点取れるかを知るためには適していないと思う。
・自分が書いた英作文をより良い文にするにはどういう表現があるのかを知るためには適していると思う。