Embracing Growth Through Honest Reflection
I always try to be conscious of not focusing on the negative aspects of life by concentrating on the joyful moments of my daily routine. However, lately, I've started to wonder if this approach is actually a form of avoidance. Pushing aside negative feelings doesn’t mean they stop existing; they’re just pushed to the back of my mind. Today, I want to face these feelings head-on and write down all the negative thoughts that have been circulating in my mind.
**Frustration toward my children**
Before I gave birth to my second child, I had certain expectations. My older son is quiet and easy to raise, so I automatically thought my daughter would share the same calm temperament. However, my daughter turned out to have a completely different personality—she’s active, bold, and aggressive, and she’s also very picky about food. All of this makes me feel confused and anxious because her personality is the opposite of what I expected, and it has thrown me off balance.
I try not to compare my children because I know they are completely different individuals who each deserve to be who they are. Yet, in moments of stress, I can’t help but make comparisons, especially when my daughter ignores my warnings, consistently makes a mess around the house, refuses to eat, or interrupts her brother when he’s concentrating on something serious.
Yesterday, I hit my daughter’s hand when she tried to open a drawer and pull things out. In that moment, I released all my pent-up anxiety onto her. I forgot that she’s still a baby, and what she did was out of curiosity, not bad intentions. I had somehow started to see her behavior as a challenge to my patience. Moreover, when I think back to my son at the same age, I realize that my memories might be idealized. He was our first child, and we were overjoyed at becoming parents, giving him undivided attention and countless second chances when he had meltdowns. We might not have even viewed his messes or outbursts as problematic, as I now do with my daughter.
As I reflect on this, I recognize how unfair and irrational my perception has been. What I need to change, first and foremost, is my mindset. I must remind myself of how I felt when I first became a mother—to be more generous, to give more grace and patience to my daughter, just as I did for my son. Both of my children deserve my understanding and love, no matter how different their personalities may be.
**A little bit of jealousy toward my sister-in-law**
Recently, my sister-in-law gave birth to twins, which initially made me feel happy and excited. But now that she has brought her twins to stay with my in-laws, they’ve become the center of attention for my parents-in-law and other relatives. Before this, my children were the only ones being doted on, always in the spotlight. I worry that my children may lose their special place in the hearts of their grandparents and aunts now that the twins have arrived.
In moments of clarity, I realize how silly this fear is. It’s natural for people to focus on newborns, especially given the close family relationship. Instead of feeling insecure, I need to change my perspective. Sharing joy doesn’t diminish it—it amplifies it. The happiness we experience with others multiplies the more we share it. The twins are a blessing, and their presence only brings more joy to our family.
**Conclusion**
Writing down these thoughts has brought me clarity. By putting my emotions on paper, I can now see them from a more rational, third-party perspective. I’ve realized that the frustrations I face with my daughter stem not from her behavior but from my own expectations. Likewise, my jealousy toward my sister-in-law comes from an irrational fear of losing attention for my children, when in reality, love and joy grow when they are shared.
Ultimately, I’ve learned that being conscious of my emotions—both positive and negative—helps me to confront them and make peace with them. Avoidance isn’t the answer. By acknowledging and processing my negative feelings, I can move forward with a healthier mindset, allowing more room for grace, patience, and love in my relationships, especially with my children. This reflection reminds me that every challenge is an opportunity for growth, and even the negative feelings I experience can serve as a stepping stone toward becoming a better parent and person.