Habits #3 "When habits fail"

So, it's almost been two months since the last article... can't believe how time flies. And I just want to let you know, that my walk of faith has been deteriorating the past month. All of those which I considered were becoming good habits in my life, like reading the Bible every morning, going jogging, working out, and yoga... I haven't done any of these things consistently all through the past month... and yes. I feel like poop.

The purpose of this article- or rather, the motivation for writing this article- is that I want to, and desperately pray to realize and experience God's mercy in this sinful life.

There are currently two areas in life where the Holy Spirit is nudging me towards obedience and challenging me to willingly acknowledge Him.  First, reading the Bible, and second, to surrender... and oh man... I just can't seem to do it. I haven't been able to make myself to choose Him over other selfish, worldly things. My life is a mess. And I am so tired of trying so hard to make myself a better, more faithful, more disciplined person. And I can't do this anymore. I cannot serve two masters, and I cannot praise God with this foul heart that refuses to let go of sin.

My room is a mess, my house is a mess, my life is a mess, my walk of faith is a mess. Everything is a mess. But, Jesus, you're not a mess. Your presence is the only thing in life that is not a mess.

Jesus, help me. Please. 

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)

Jesus, I believe in these words, that you will hear this prayer and provide with the best solution. Jesus, I ask you to take away my lust for sin. To take away my sluggishness, and to make me into a person who works diligently for Your Kingdom. Please humble me so I may selflessly love you and my neighbors with your Love. 

Please give me the power to get up in the morning, and focus on you, only you. Please lead me to open my eyes with thankfulness, and not with laziness and grumpiness of not wanting to go to work. Let me realize that your grace is enough for me to be thankful for in whatever circumstance. Let me speak words of thankfulness and praise, rather than curses and angry grunts. Let me rejoice in your goodness to me, for the chance of living a new day for your glory. Jesus, please help me to open the Bible and taste your Word. 

My life is so empty without you; my life is lacking the sweetness of your Word that nourishes even the driest and hardest patches in my heart. Jesus, please, please, come into my heart again. I want to return to you. Not just through devotional and motivational books but through your Word. Through the exact words that you have placed before me in the Bible. I want to get to know you better... I want to be totally in love with you, again. 

Help me surrender it ALL.

Jesus, you ask me to let go of everything and follow you.

"Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them." (Isaiah 30:20)

Lord, I believe that you let us go through trials that seem unbearable. I believe that when we call out to you, you will let us see you. When we call out to you, you bless us with the most valuable and beautiful blessing- of seeing you. 

So I cry out to you. We cry out to you. Help me to let go of everything, God. Help me to have the courage to follow Jesus. Help me to let go of the earthly joys and momentary pleasures. Help me to let go of my artificial and hypocritical self. Please let me go of my comfort I find in certain people. Please help me let go of my selfishness and pride. Help me follow you like you let go of everything to obey Your Father.  

Jesus, I am such a sinner, a liar, a hypocrite, a shame. Have mercy on this sinner, Lord. I am sorry for disobeying you. I'm sorry for my attitude and ignorance and for letting you down and lying to you and everyone else. 

Jesus, please forgive me. Please forgive me.

"Then Jesus said to her, 'your sins are forgiven.'" (Luke 7:48)

I am forgiven.

You are forgiven.

Jesus died for me, so that I may be forgiven. Jesus died for me and you, completely naked on the cross with not even a cloth to cover his genitals. Jesus died for me and you, after being betrayed by his most loved ones who had repeatedly declared their love before his capture. Jesus lived for me and you, a perfect life, so that He could in the end die. Jesus died for me and you in complete obedience to the Father. Jesus died and was punished by God on our behalf so that you and I may be forgiven.

Jesus rose from the dead and lives right now, still pleading before God for my forgiveness. Jesus lives right now, clothing me in His purity and telling God that He has already paid my debt. Jesus clothed me in His purity. 

The Lord is calling. The Lord is calling to you and me, today, right now, right at this moment. 

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." (Revelations 3:19-20)

How then should we respond to God, today? Our lives are far from perfect, and when we realize that we are easily discouraged and lost. But God is calling us. He is still knocking the doors or your heart. When we decide to let Him in, He doesn't drastically try to change us nor does He destroy us for our sinfulness. Rather, He comes in and eats with us. He takes time to get to know us and lets us know about Him too. Lord, come into our hearts.