Habits #2 "The habit of fear"

So... I've been experiencing a huge change in my life these past two weeks. I finished college (yay!) and started working in a company... and it's been humbling and overwhelming at the same time. 

Moving to a new environment, living in a new place, meeting new people, learning new things... the transition itself was really wearing me out. 

I consider myself an extrovert most times and I usually love changes and new environments, but these past two weeks were exhausting. Even for me. Amidst the business of the heart, body, and soul, however, the Lord has been good to me. 

I realized something today... that I am caught in the habit of fear.

So today, I want to share with you these two things, and I hope this would be an encouragement to you too...!

I'm caught in the habit of fear

So I've been getting up at 6 am every day for the past two weeks to go to work, and it's starting to become a habit (yay...!). I've always wanted to become a morning person, and I think I am finally getting to becoming one. But there's one problem with getting up early every morning... it's that I just cannot seem to get enough rest. 

Last Friday, my co-workers hosted a welcome party for me, and it was really nice to get to know the people I work with...but I got home late and went to bed late... and woke up early at 6 am, with barely any sleep. I wasn't able to get back to sleep, so I got up as usual and began my day. 

As I was doing my quiet time, I wondered why I couldn't fall back to sleep and came to the thought that my body was under so much stress and fear that it hasn't been fully rested for a while. This answer was the only thing so far that could make sense... I really love to sleep and am usually able to sleep at any time, any place. So yeah. This is a big deal for me. 

I listed down all the things that came up to my mind, that I was afraid of. For example, not getting along with my colleagues, not being able to learn quickly enough, loneliness, fear of not having enough money to pay rent, fear of disappointing my bosses, and fear of losing old friends. 

I hadn't realized that so many things were bothering me, even to the point that my body was forcing my body to draw from getting rest. I was caught in the habit of constant fear. 

So I prayed. I asked the Lord to take away these fears and to lift up these burdens from my heart. I asked God for forgiveness for my sin of unbelief and lack of trust in him... and I asked God to give me peace and rest in Him. 

... and today, God has shown me his faithfulness & answered my prayer. Not only was I able to have a very restful weekend (staying home, cooking, drinking wine... ;)), the Holy Spirit had led me to rediscover something about Jesus and about life. 

Realizing Jesus Christ in our lives. 

Today's devotional talked about how realizing Jesus Christ in our lives is more important than realizing what he has done for me. 

It's easy to focus on what we have received from God; the many blessings, the forgiveness, the gifts, the comfort, the passage to heaven and eternity with Jesus, etc... And yes, all of these things are not what we deserved but rather the appearance of God's grace and mercy through and through, and these things give us a reason to always be thankful and joyful. 

But it is just so easy to focus on what God does for us, rather than the pursuit of Jesus Christ, himself. 

With this realization, I prayed and asked God to show me, to teach me, and to open my eyes to know Him better. Then opened the Bible to today's devotional... and BAM. It was Revelations 1. 

In Revelations 1, John describes Jesus that he saw.

"and among the lampstands was someone like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance." (Revelations 1:13-16)

It's a strange description, I know. 

But I pictured the powerful, glorious, beautiful Lord Jesus Christ, reaching out toward me and saying to me "Okaeri (welcome home)". 

I imagined my Lord smiling and waiting for me to enter his embrace...and just this image was enough to bring me to tears, in sheer love and anticipation to meet the Lord. To finally meet the greatest love of my life, and to finally see Him face to face. 

But along the excitement and happiness, there was also a feeling of fear. I cannot imagine surviving the glory of the Lord. God's majesty will definitely burn me down. And, John, seemed to have a similar experience.  

"When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last." (Revelations 1:17)

John, who was Jesus' disciple, fell at His feet as though dead... I mean yeah. It's terrifying. 

But what surprised me even more, was what happened right after John fell to the ground. "Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last."(Revelations 1:17)

Jesus Christ sees us in our greatest fear and places his right hand on us. What is your greatest fear...? Losing reputation? Losing friends? Losing your job? Losing money? There are many things that scare us to our bones, but I mean... there can't be anything scarier than standing before God, who is holy and just, and has all the right to send you to hell, forever. There is nothing scarier than that, which determines your eternal destiny...

But even in the greatest fear of standing before the Lord, Jesus puts his right hand on us. And he tells us "Do not be afraid.". 

*I AM SPEECHLESS*

*ARE YOU SPEECHLESS, TOO?*

Realizing Jesus Christ when we are in fear. 

As I've said earlier, I've lately been under constant pressure and fear... So much to the point that I cannot sleep or rest in my own bed. 

But God is so good to me and has taught me that Jesus puts his right hand on me, and tells me not to be afraid, even at the scariest moments. 

It's is so comforting and encouraging to know this... Not just to know about this, but to really know and experience God's presence through prayer and the scripture, through the ups and downs, through the big and small occasions.