230516 カラダと寿命と死神と

深夜に
横になってウトウトしていて
カラダがガバっと起きる

虚空を見つめ
得も言われぬ不安が
襲いかかってくる

吐き気？それとも呼吸？
心臓？それとも他の内臓？

寝ぼけた２ビットの脳を
フル回転させて
アレコレと考える

時間にして多分
１分もない世界
でも
昨夜は兎に角 恐怖した

フラッシュバックなのかしら
日中も急な不安が
ヤッてきます

もう十分生きたし
色んな経験もシたので
感謝してるし満足もしてます
その日が明日でも
仕方ないよなぁって想えます
のに
だからこそ
この不安が
面白くて仕方がない

一方で
逢いたい人が居て
シて差し上げたい事が有って
そこが叶い切ってない

悔いが有るとしたら
此処なのかも

死ぬまでに24時間くらい
自由な時間があったなら
恩人や友達
マネジメントやご近所さん
それから…親族

挨拶のメールや電話が
出来るのになぁ

いっその事
死神が居たら良かったのに
ん？
もしかして死神って
死の直前に色々と
悔いた人が
連想したモノだったのかしら…

230516 The Body, the Lifespan, and the Grim Reaper

Late at night.
I'm lying down and dozing off.
My body wakes up with a start

Staring into the void
An indescribable feeling of unease comes over me.
Is it nausea? Or breathing?
Or the heart? Or other internal organs?
My sleep-deprived two-bit brain
Thinking about all of this and that
In a world where time is probably less than a minute
But last night, anyway
I was terrified.

I wonder if it was a flashback.
Sudden anxiety attacks during the day.

I've lived enough.
I've been through a lot.
I'm grateful and content.

Even if that day comes tomorrow.
I can't help it.

And yet
That's why
I can't help but be amused by this anxiety.

On the other hand, there are people I want to see
and there are things I want to do for them
that I haven't fully fulfilled.

If I have any regrets, maybe this is where they are.

I wish I had 24 hours of free time before I die.
Neighbors.
And... relatives?

I'd be able to email and call to say hello.

I wish...
I wish the Grim Reaper was here.

Hmm? What do you mean by the Grim Reaper?
Is it possible that the Grim Reaper is something associated with people
who regretted many things just before death...

By DeepL