療養日記・心臓（その2） / Recuperation Diary： Heart（part 2）

『 原因 / Causes 』

心房細動の原因は自律神経の乱れだが、その自律神経の乱れの原因には、心因性ストレスやオーバーワーク、不眠や過度のカフェインがある様だ。これには全く異論は無い。通常の仕事以外に NPO法人の仕事もこなしていたので、一週間に軽く70時間以上、30年近く行なっていた自覚はある。また、イベント開催時には睡眠時間を充分にとれない事は当たり前だし、眠気を覚ますブラックコーヒーは必需品だったからだ。

思い返してみれば、身体の異常に最初に気付いたのは 1998年か 1999年頃、年間に 40回以上のイベントを企画して開催・運営していた頃だった。動悸や眩暈（めまい）はそれまでにもあったが、「疲れているかな？」で済ましていたが、タイムトライアルの最中だけに「視覚異常」が現れる様になったのだ。 走行中にコースやパイロンが 二重にずれて見えてしまうので、片目で走ってしまう事も少なくなかった。きっと、脳への血流不足が原因か、或いは「血栓」の影響があったかも知れない。

The causes of autonomic nervous system disorders seem to be psychological stress, overwork, insomnia, and excessive caffeine. I have no objection to this. In addition to my regular job, I also worked for an NPO, so I was aware that I had been doing this for over 70 hours a week for nearly 30 years. Also, it was natural that I couldn't get enough sleep during events, and black coffee was a necessity to wake me up.

Looking back, I realized that something was wrong with my body around 1998 or 1999, when I was planning, hosting, and running over 40 events a year. I had palpitations and dizziness before, but I would just dismiss it as "tired?", but I started to experience "visual abnormalities" only during time trials. The course and pylons would appear doubled while I was running, so I would often ride with one eye. Perhaps it was due to a lack of blood flow to the brain, or perhaps a blood clot had played a part.

『 療養という選択 / The Choice of Recuperation 』

心臓外科手術や投薬という選択肢もあった。しかし、手術は制御系の一部をレーザーで壊してしまう方法だ。制御系に何らかの目的で自然に備わっている機能を破壊するのは気が進まない。また。投薬は身体の他の部位に負担をかけて不調の原因になる。実際、入院の後半、夜間に両脚が激しい痙攣（けいれん）を起こす様になり、担当医に伝えても処方箋の内容に大きな変更は無く、後日、自宅に戻ってから、服用している時にも夜間に激しい痙攣に襲われ、それをなだめる為に起きていた最中、突然、失神・転倒して頭部や膝を強く打撲してしまったほどだ。また、退院の日にも、「検査の結果では、数値は全く異常はありませんよ」という医師の言葉で送り出されたが、病院を出て 30分も経たない内に色覚異常を含む視覚異常が現れ、大幅に血圧が下がったのか、全く動けなくなり、街角で 1時間近く うずくまってしまった。これが医療の限界だろう。

だから、自律神経は温存したまま、生活を変える事で、自らの制御機能を回復させる “療養” という選択肢を選ぶ事を決意した。 ただし、身体が受けたダメージからの回復には、そのダメージに至った期間よりも長い期間が必要になる事は当たり前の事。だから、今も定期的に訪れる「心房細動」の発作の頻度やレベルを抑えるだけを目的とせず、長年の間に身体が受けてきた筈のダメージを回復させる事が僕の務めだと思っている。

Heart surgery and medication were also options. However, surgery would destroy part of the control system with a laser. I was reluctant to destroy the functions that the control system naturally has for some purpose. Also, medication would put a strain on other parts of the body and cause illness. In fact, during the latter half of my hospitalization, both of my legs began to have severe cramps at night, and even when I told my doctor, there was no significant change in the prescription. Later, when I returned home and was taking the medication, I was attacked by severe cramps at night, and while I was awake to calm them down, I suddenly fainted and fell, severely bruising my head and knees. Also, on the day I was discharged, the doctor told me, "The results of the test show that there are no abnormalities at all," but within 30 minutes of leaving the hospital, I developed visual abnormalities, including color vision abnormalities, and perhaps because my blood pressure had dropped significantly, I was unable to move at all and ended up curled up on a street corner for nearly an hour. This is probably the limit of medical care.

So I decided to choose the option of "recuperation" to restore my self-regulating function by changing my lifestyle while preserving my autonomic nerves. However, it goes without saying that it takes longer to recover from damage that has been done to the body than it took to cause that damage. So, rather than just aiming to suppress the frequency and severity of my periodic attacks of "atrial fibrillation," I believe that my duty is to restore the damage that my body must have sustained over the years.