Toast to Life 39 (Sunny, then cloudy only in mind)

The day before yesterday, on October 12, came as another consultation by my attending neurosurgeon. The outcome of methionine (MET) PET·CT examination I received on September 29 was also to be announced at the consultation (see No. 38). 

The result was that there was no abnormality observed in my brain, meaning brain tumors did not spread or recur. Also, the day's MRI image did reflect nothing, meaning that I've finally survived one year around. Hot dog!

I was really relieved to hear the both news from MD. Tabei, who added, "it seems that the marker value has dropped, too, even for your lung treatment. I hope you continue as it goes. From next MRI, you can only do it once two months." 

I was surprised at his words, not because MRI scan gets two-month interval, but because his reference to "marker value" must have been written by another doctor, MD Kato, in the digestive system. I am aware that today, patient clinical records are shared and digitized even in Japan, encompassing multiple departments in a single hospital. 

So, it's not that I didn't know it. I have been aware that the two of my attending MDs were sharing the information of my health condition, like as other MDs, such as blood test, marker value, medication subscribed, and say, everything showing my health variables, over a single screen connected to a hospital server or cloud, which I do not know. Rather, it is more accurate for me to say that I was surprised that MD Tabei pays attention to the information that is supposed to be in charge of MDs specialized in digestive organs, not exactly in his expertise. After all, MD Tabei is a great doctor. 

I'm sorry for uploading the grotesque photo above. The one on the left is the MRI image of the day, and the right the MET·PET result in September, both of which MD Tabei made into a group photo. For note, with eyeballs on the top, they are the shots taking from a neck and looking up, so the right side of a single scull is my actual left side. The black spots on the upper rights (that is, the left frontal lobe) on both images show traces of the tumor.

In my case, what appear as white are those of dead brain cells out of radiation therapy. The black part in the center of the right image shows brain stem, as a particular infusion drug (radio) used for MET·PET does not enter into this area.

As for tumor markers, CEA and CA19-9 seem to be the standard for the digestive system. Of these, MD Kato has been paying attention especially to CEA. On the above graph, the last two tests, turned into blue shade with the latest on October 6th, are showing declining trend. For reference, the red shaded area shows a spike when I got sigmoid colon cancer in 2019, far exceeding upper limit of standard ("基準値"). 

By the way, in the timing of 2019,  it was the first time for me to have a cancer, and because of my huge damage to mind I wrote in a house bed in Singapore a farewell note to my family and my life.

Returning to Tokyo. Yes, the day before yesterday. I immediately reported the results to my wife on SNS, working near the hospital. The SNS is, of course, encrypted one used only for the couple. Along with her joy, she replied back saying, "I hope the anti-cancer drug for you is finished soon."

But, but...Let me think about it. After all, I have been drugged into a life dependent upon medical doctors' guidance, diagnosis, and his/her words, which keep shaking my mind and my way of life. At home, I wish I could throw away the Optune battery connected to the head, and at the 48-hour infusion for lung tumors treatment, I am quite fed up with the stomach, especially, which becomes uncomfortable and depressed feeling leading to dis-appetite. 

At the same time, however, long gone is my old days, which I also know well. 

An inscription to me is a female judo-ka Yuko Fujii (Brazilian judo men's national coach, yes "men's") who says "strong-ness will calls for luck": another one I found in a TV program is, "I want to survive as long as I survive". But, here is the third one. Akihiro Nakatani (actor, writer)'s "Your heart cannot be broken by others unless you break it."

(The last image of Mr. Nakatani's inscription is "borrowed" from the Internet. The rest two are of my shot or creation. To be continued.)