2023/05/11 English

BGM: Daft Punk - One More Time

Today I worked early. My company had changed its policy that says we can judge if we wear our masks at the workplace, so today I didn't wear my mask during the work. But I heard the number of infected people is increasing so I have to be careful about that. I didn't have any good reason about not wearing my mask. Just I obeyed my inner voice or inspiration, that's all. The life without masks, or without the fear for corona is getting realized. But, when I went to the bathroom I saw my face reflected by its mirror, and got surprised by it. The life like "before" corona will be back after a long time in the future. About this kind of thing, I can never think tactical or clever ideas. I just move by my inspiration only. TBH I can't be proud of that because I started my work, or even went to Waseda by my inspirations. There were no firm reasons. And also, my inner child whispered to me to quit alcohol and start attending the meeting about autism. That's the way of my life. No intention.

This afternoon I listen to Motoharu Sano's tunes again. For example, his "SOMEDAY" and "Rock'n Roll Night". I felt really happy or satisfied because these songs sounded celebrating our modern life. He is certainly respected by various Japanese musicians. I remember myself. Me, when I was just a stray sheep, I tried hard to "obey" the people who walked in front of me and learn something from them. But, maybe because I am an egoistic person, I broke up with them. I couldn't stay modest. Now I don't follow anyone in my life. Of course, I respect some people as my teachers and am learning a lot of important things every day from them. But I want to have an initiative in myself. I owe a responsibility of my activity of believing and following someone. Without that, I just give myself to someone fully and completely forever. Then I would lose my initiative and become a slave or robot. That's not the one I wish.

I read Eiko Ikegami's book "Intelligence As Autism" after a long time. In this book, she talks about how autistic people have their rich recognitions of this world. I learn the basic richness of this world itself by those descriptions in that book. Me, I am sometimes said that my English is good. That skill of language might be able to called as "gifted". That recognition or special skills are clearly beyond the normality or common. But they should get their dignities. We should treat their ways of recognizing this world as "some of them". They are precious things which support this world, this real's rich diversity. I guess that kind of neurodiversity, that fact which says every people's ability is completely different and therefore this world is chaotic totally, therefore this world is beautiful and rich. I thought about that variety our brains can have.

This evening I attended an online meeting on ZOOM (I made a serious mistake and was late to come there. I am ashamed). I did a presentation about Discord today. Spending my days learning English on Discord is the main content of it. How am I making or building myself by learning it... I worried a lot, but other members gave me honest opinions and questions during that time so I am glad about that. From the topic of servers/communities on Discord, we talked about real communities in our rural life, and the topics went various directions vastly... I started this series of meeting when the corona panic happened actually, and found that every time I attend this I have impressed by other people's wise opinions. Yes, learning and building connections by/with others must be a way of heal myself actually. I want to live on the days of learning by this kind of meeting or enjoying Discord life. Like Motoharu Sano sings, "Beat Goes On". My learning must never end.