迷宮の十字路（クロスロード）、なんつって/At the crossroads of a labyrinth, so to speak

未来の私へ、
To future me,

無知の知です。
Hi! I am Muchinochi.

🇬🇧大学院への出願が本格化する中で、人生の分岐点にいる感覚（期待30％・不安80％、なお計算不得意）をここに記しておきたい。出会う人や得る経験が確実に変わるであろう選択、それをこの数ヶ月以内にしなければならない未来に虚しさを覚えながら（＝ （醜化すると）第一志望校に落ちる可能性に怯えながらlol）、私はこれを書いている。

As I embark on the intensifying journey of applying to graduate school in the UK, I want to record this sensation of standing at a major crossroads in life (with expectations at 30% and anxieties at 80%, bearing in mind that I'm not very good at math). The choices I make in the coming months are certain to alter the people I meet and the experiences I gain, making it a future that I must shape. While I feel a sense of hollowness about the upcoming changes (which, if I were to be self-deprecating, might be associated with the fear of being rejected by my top choice school), I write this.

私はいわゆる名門大出身ではないが、「人一倍、大学の制度や機会、そして何より教授との関係には恵まれてきた」と思っている。授業やオープンキャンパスでのプレゼンを依頼されるたびに（ありがとうございます）、私はCVにもPersonal Statementにも書き切れなかった、これらの御恩と御縁に繰り返し言及する。いろんな方に導いていただいてきたという感覚を強く抱く。

I may not have graduated from a so-called prestigious university, but I believe I've been fortunate in the opportunities, the university's system, and, above all, the relationships with professors. Each time I'm asked to give a presentation in class or during open campus events (thank you for those opportunities), I find myself repeatedly mentioning these blessings and connections, which I could not include in my CV and personal statement. I strongly feel that I've been guided by many individuals along the way.

一つ目の修士を🇬🇧で、と考えたのは、
①出願形式が私に合っていたこと（まあ一発試験が苦手苦手）
②興味のある学問領域が全体的に発達していたこと
③1年で修了できること
④合格の可能性が比較的高いとされること
＝日米の修士・博士課程を目指す上で、英修士を挟むことが能力的・現状的に最適解だと感じた
⑤憧れの大学があった
⑥学術的ときめきを感じる研究者がそこにいた

The reasons I considered pursuing my first master's degree in the UK were as follows:

①The application process suited me (I'm not particularly fond of single-shot exams).
②The academic field I was interested in had developed significantly.
③I could complete the program in just one year.
④The likelihood of acceptance was relatively high compared to pursuing a master's or Ph.D. in the U.S. or Japan.

=I felt that considering my abilities and current circumstances, obtaining a master's degree in the UK was the optimal choice to work towards a Ph.D. in the U.S. and Japan.

⑤There was a university I admired.
⑥There were researchers who ignited my academic passion.

でもなんだかんだ、私の研究をmeaningful and persuasiveなものにするために大学院という制度的権威に縋りたいというのが究極的な志望動機だろうか。今の私の話を聞いてくれる者などいないだろうからさ。ごめん嘘、ハリーポッター的な環境が究極的な理由でs

Despite all the justifications, I think my ultimate motivation for wanting to pursue graduate studies is to cling to the institutional authority of a university to make my research meaningful and persuasive. After all, there's probably no public eager to seriously listen to my current research results, so...Sorry, those were not completely true; it's the Harry Potter-esque environment that's the ultimate reason.

何が待っているのかな。
What is waiting for me?

またね、
Truly Yours,

無知の知
Muchinochi