the box 11

The relationship between
Koharu and Mutsuo-san
has been continued.

It's been four years
since they started dating.

However, due to the koharu's phobia
the relationship between
Koharu and Mutsuo-san
was not stable.

There was no progress in
improving the symptoms.

Koharu blames herself.

The first year or second years,
they started dating and having
the hope of overcoming phobia.

They were having such hope.

However, Koharu couldn't be able to
interact with Mutsuo-san.

Won't it be better than current condition?
Can't I get rid of this symptom for long?

Feeling such emotion,
Koharu lost her confident completely.

"Koharu, please touch me"

Having said that,
Mutsuo-san put his hands out
in front of Koharu.

However, Koharu wasn't able to
touch them, and she also couldn't
even be touched by him.

Even such situation, Mutsuo-san said,
"You don't have to worry about it."

Koharu felt sorry to him, and told me
why she couldn't touch his hands.

"Even if Mutsuo-san holds out his hands,
I don't have enough courage to touch
him forever...

What should I do if I had a seizure
when I touched his hands...

Such idea pop into my head, and
I can't even touch him
because I'm so scared that
I'll let Mutsuo-san give up
interacting with me.''

Koharu really wants
to touch Mutsuo-san.

Koharu has confessed
the mental pain to me.

"By Mutsuo-san...

I want to be hugged by him.

Thinking about such thing,
my chest become tight,
and my tears overflow...

Even so,
I'm afraid to touch each other...

My mind was torn apart with
such contradictory feelings,
and I could be crazy for it...

Sometimes I feel that way.''

Koharu knows how hard
it is not to touch someone
that you love.

As for Mutso-san,
Koharu thinks she is the one
who let him put
in such hard situation.

That's why Koharu felt hurt
much harder.

She said she was doing
something bad for Mutsuo-san
because she couldn't let him touch her.

"I'm not fit for him."

The better the person Mutsuo-san was,
the more such feelings grew in Koharu.

Having these feelings, Koharu had a
conversation with Mutuo-san.

"I think it's better for you
to go out with another girl"
Koharu said.

Mutso-san asked to her,
"Why do you think so?"

She replied,
"Because, I want Mutsuo-san
to be happy."

Then he replied,
"I’m truly happy."

Hearing that, koharu murmured
"It's a lie."

Mutso-san denied her comment
and said,
"It is not a lie"

Koharu kept saying,
"It's been four years,
but I still can't hold your hands."

Mutsuo-san appeased her and said
"Do not worry about it."

Koharu sadly said,
"...You are giving up already, right?"

Then Mutsuo-san emphasized
"...The girl whom I like is YOU, Koharu."

"..."

He also added,
"I want to be with you, Koharu"

Koharu replied,
"Recently, I'm feeling sick and
I often can't be with you."

Mutsuo-san shouted,
"I don't want to break up with you!!."

Mutsuo-san made a loud voice.

There is a reason why Mutsuo-san
suddenly spoke in a loud voice.

In short, it was not the first time that
Koharu had told such a story.

At that time,
Koharu was talking about it
every time when she met him.

Even if Mutsuo-san denied
her negative ideaeach time,
Koharu could not listen to it.

Making Koharu feel like that,
Mutsuo-san was deeply depressed
by his disappointment

Thus, he suddenly made such loud voice.

Koharu was frightened.

It seems that Koharu's father
was not a loud speaker.

Therefore, it wasn't his fault to
frighten Koharu by such loud voice...

Koharu says it's a trauma from
the person who collected the debt.

Listening to the story from Koharu,
I supported her and put some comment.

"Koharu, you are the only one
for Mutsuo-san.
Nobody else is good for him.

I think it's true, and that's what
Mutso-san also thinks."

Though, she denied my comment saying,

"He currently just thinks so,
but he can be happy
if he get along with other girls."

That is, Koharu didn't listen to me at all.

She seriously thinks that
she should break up with him.

She thought she was suffering from
Mutsuo-san.

However,
Koharu did not leave Mutso-san
without saying anything.

I felt that it was because
Koharu didn't want to apart with
Mutsuo-san somewhere.

Koharu was suppressing
her own feeling or wish,
and she was wishing for
Mutsuo-san's happiness...

How good would it be better
if she was just trying out Mutsuo-san
by saying "I want to break up"?

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