Day12 - Journey Through Layers of Time

A Life Layered Like Mille-Feuille

If one could start life over again, many would seize that chance earnestly and strive to live fully. So, if our current life is that desired second chance, how sincerely should we be living each day?

I have bipolar disorder. But all I'm doing is living this given life to the fullest. Perhaps that's why I feel an immense energy welling up inside me.

I often have precognitive dreams. I frequently experience déjà vu. Does admitting this make me seem strange? Am I ill?

There are times when I deeply resonate with Nietzsche's concept of "eternal recurrence." The idea that all events repeat themselves puzzled me as a child, but now it profoundly touches me. I feel that life repeats, layering upon itself like a mille-feuille. Maybe that's why I experience precognitive dreams and déjà vu.

Sometimes, the boundary between reality and dreams becomes blurred. Even when I awaken guided by the sound of a bell in a dream, I often wonder if this awakened reality is itself not another dream.

When I talk with my mother, who has dementia, it seems she is living in a world of her own. Memories of a trip we took years ago to Tokyo Bay have blended into recollections of Lake Biwa in her mind. But when she speaks of Lake Biwa, she looks so happy, and seeing her like that warms my heart. It's as if she's weaving our memories into her past world.

Both my mother and I find it difficult to distinguish between reality and non-reality. My doctor says that with continued treatment, I'll be able to recognize that boundary. However, for my mother, it seems that line will remain blurred.

Indeed, in this life layered like a mille-feuille, it's hard to tell which layer we're living in. But perhaps because of that, I feel I possess a richer energy, as if living multiple lives at once.

How I utilize this energy is up to me. Even as I sway between reality and dreams, I want to cherish each given moment and live fully. Even if it's just one layer of many in a mille-feuille, it's up to me to make that layer shine.