One who goes slowly goes far

- English Follows

ゆっくり行くものは遠くまで行ける

この言葉は小学校を卒業する時に、担任の先生が色紙に書いて渡してくれた言葉でした。その先生は私ののんびりっぷりを非常に評価してくれて、このままで生きていくようにと、なんとも優しい言葉を色紙にくれたのでした。
数十年を経たコロナ禍、環境がどんどん変わり、謎のアレルギー症状に苦しんで、何を達成したのかもわからず、何をゴールにしたら良いのかもわからないのに、行動が制限され、後退する日々が突然押し寄せてくる。まさに三歩進んで二歩下がる日々なのですが、三歩に当たる日々に今までできなかったことが驚くように簡単にできて充実感に満たされたかと思いきや、この二歩の後退の日々が史上稀に見る後退っぷりで、気分の沈み方も半端では無い。

長い目で見れば一歩進んでるんだけど…。

遠くには来れたけど、それが活かせているのかなぁと自問する日々。小学校の担当の先生は、こんな後退の日々を見越して、距離的にも人間的のも遠くまで行けるって行ってくれてたらいいなぁと、そんなことを考えながらコーヒーと波乗り用の小さい波を頼りに淡々と生活する日々を送っています。

One who goes slowly goes far

This is the phrase my teacher of the 6th grade wrote on a card given to me for graduating from an elementary school. He valued me being extremely slow on everything and this was a very gentle gesture of him to tell me to stay as I was.
A few decades passed under Covid-19 circumstance, the surroundings change quickly, suffering from allergy without figuring out the cause, wondering what I have achieved in life and what should be the goal for the next few years, with limited activities, I feel like suddenly everything stops working around me. Three steps forward and two steps back every week. While having three steps forward, things go surprisingly well achieving something easily or finding out something new. On the other hand, while having two steps back, things goes extremely bad physically and mentally.

I often question myself whether I achieved something by coming far. I hope the teacher already knew the answer and that I have those horrible 2 steps back for every glorious 3 steps forward, and still he thinks I am the person who can come far physically and grow bigger as a person. Thinking and hoping that way, I now try to lead a life without thinking too much with a big help of coffee and small waves to enjoy surfing.