Looking back on the 10 days of 2021

The plan is to recognize the current situation by looking back on the current depression, which was thought to have recovered from the decline at the end of the year and at the beginning of the year.

1. Year-end depression

It was painful for me to have a particularly strong feeling of "do it" and "it's normal" to people . One is that when I got a crab from Keishiro as a Christmas present, the feeling that I wanted him to be treated as a girl came to the fore, and the other was that I was alone with my roommate in a share house. It was hard for me to feel myself repelling something like "give me an opinion" and "suggest from myself". Ah, I realized that I have a strong feeling for people , I wanted to be able to ask better , and I wanted to convey what I was thinking . As for the depression, it was a little better than it is now.

2. Rebuilding the New Year

This is because I evoked (pre-congratulated) the delusions of my spring life in words, which made me feel refreshed, and the sentences I wrote while groaning from the end of the year finally saw the light of day and gave me a sense of accomplishment. It seems to be. I felt that by "wording" something, the power to go there is born . Even in the training, I felt that words such as "selfishness" and "want to stand out" came out, and I was able to catch them in a good way . Due to time constraints, I couldn't talk to the end, so I wanted to think about what I wanted to do from there . However, I wanted someone to help me because I felt it was a very important issue for me, but I didn't know who to rely on, so I was doing it for several days. I thought Keishiro to be the best partner, but he refrained from talking about it because it was an important time for the national examination. In the meantime, the heat warmed by the coaching cooled down gradually. On the other hand, the results of the pre-congratulations have come out, and the project has moved in various directions.

3. Depressed again

What is this? It's the current state. At all, I don't know what to start with. No, it should be anything. I have a lot of things I want to do. Various things get so tight that I can't see myself at all. I don't know what I'm feeling. "No", "scary", "help" and so on. I don't know the future. I really wanted to do various things. I was enthusiastic to do it in words and in action. Also, a feeling of obstruction. I stayed at home all the time and felt like I was deprived of my freedom. As much as possible corona measures in the share house to go to see Keishiro at this time. I will not leave my house as much as possible. A walk is OK. However, in the meantime, I think I confused "going toward the purpose" with "not making a soft noise". I can see the direction I want to go. Then, let's think of the world as if we were heading there. But that's not easy. If you can do it easily, you may not have a hard time until now. Therefore, it would be nice if I could forgive the margins and think that it would be good even if it was against the purpose. As a result, it became painful and I didn't want to do anything. Words are important, I thought I would make a world, so I couldn't make a soft noise. Let's forgive unwilling words. I love me including that.

4.Conclusion

The energy is strong and I want to devise it so that it can be output as it is pure. I think that is directly related to the story of how to live in the future. I thought that dealing with the energy that overflowed from within was an art. I want to love art, I want to touch art and live. I really want to find such a way of life. And it becomes an even bigger transformation within me. From the phase of transformation of the way, I think the next is the transformation of the way. That's scary. I may be a lot scarier than I expected. If it were such a rejection, it would be natural. Yes, let's take this as a natural thing. Let's say it's a small warrior tremor before a big transformation. Before I knew it, my feelings cleared up a little.