I'm an only child, but having you as an older brother is the best5

…While admiring my older brother, at the root of my actions was that I didn’t want to become like him…? No…that’s not it…

…I just didn’t understand why my brother was disliked, and it was simply terrifying…

…”Minato, you always read the room instead of expressing your own feelings. You bottle up everything you want to say and think, always have.”…

…Trying to read the room, the uneasiness I felt back then…It wasn’t about rebellion or a sense of justice against being labeled or pressured to conform; it was because I didn’t understand the reason for the hatred…

…Is it because of such a trivial thing? Or does the reason even matter…

…Those who are stabbed, those who stab, and myself who isn’t being stabbed right now…

…The difference is incredibly ambiguous, and I couldn’t believe that the malice directed at others would only ever be directed at them. I always thought the day would come when it would be directed at me too if I made a mistake…

…What if I stopped being who I am now? Brother, I… I’m not the kind person you think I am. I wasn’t being considerate for others’ sake. It wasn’t kindness for others…

…Wanting harmony is because I can’t stand the tension. Extending a hand was because I was afraid that no one would help me when I needed it. Not being able to reject goodwill is because I imagined how I would feel if the roles were reversed…

…It wasn’t kindness at all, just my own fear of being lonely…weakness. I’ve never been able to completely trust or open up to anyone, not family, not friends, since forever…

These are Minato’s inner thoughts from "Ice Fortress".

As a counselor, in my work, I deal with a wide range of issues such as work, love, money, and parenting.

Among them, problems related to close human relationships, like family, superiors, and subordinates, are overwhelmingly common.

Those with knowledge of psychology and counseling are well aware that many of these problems trace back to relationships with parents.

Children grow by imitating their parents' worldview, way of thinking, and even how they process emotions.

The relationships during adolescence also cannot be ignored.

Adolescence is the period when consciousness shifts from parents (home) to society.

During this time, children learn how to interact with others, mainly at school, to become independent individuals.

Friendships during this period greatly influence relationships throughout life.

In my counseling work, I first focus on the relationship with the parents, and then on the relationships during adolescence.

However, sometimes, there are issues that cannot be explained by these two factors alone.

That’s when the relationship between siblings comes into play.

If the parent-child relationship is the basis of a hierarchical relationship, the sibling relationship is the foundation of horizontal connections.

Think back to your school days.

The reliable classmates who served as class representatives, took on leadership roles in school events, or became captains of clubs were often the eldest children (older brothers or sisters).

On the other hand, popular classmates who made everyone smile were often the youngest children (younger brothers or sisters).

Following these individuals into later life, the eldest children who took on leadership roles often continue to play leadership roles in their families and work.

The youngest children, who were loved by everyone, often continue to be the ones who lighten the mood in the workplace.

When a second child is born, the first child experiences a significant heartbreak.

This heartbreak can have a major impact on personality development and often shapes their worldview.

When a second child is born, the attention of the parents, which was 100% focused on the first child, suddenly shifts to the second child.

It takes a certain age to understand that the younger child requires more care.

If the age gap between the first and second child is five years or more, the damage is not significant. However, the closer the age gap, the more it feels like the parents' love has shifted from 100% to 0%, causing a major shock.

In response, the first child strives to regain the parents' love taken by the second child.

First, the first child adopts the strategy of becoming a “well-behaved child” to please their mother.

They help out, take care of their own needs, and do things that would make their mother happy.

However, these actions are not from the heart.

Since the parents' attention is on the younger sibling, they want to be a “good child” to attract attention.

This heartbreak can be considered as the “first major heartbreak” that inflicts a significant wound on the first child.

Parents try to equally love both the older and younger children, but in reality, more attention is given to the younger child who needs more care.

Thus, they tend to rely more on the older child.

“Because you’re the older brother, do it yourself.”

“Because you’re the older sister, be patient.”

“Because you’re the older brother, give it to your younger sibling.”

Many people might have heard such phrases.

The accumulation of such “good child” behavior and phrases like “because you’re the older brother/sister” makes the eldest children suppress their desires and refrain from being selfish.

As a result, they often don’t know what they truly want and end up desiring what their parents want, living a life based on others’ expectations rather than their own.

When the second child is born into a family with a strong rival in the first child, they experience taking away the parents’ love directed at the first child from birth.

The second child succeeds in directing the parents’ love toward themselves.

However, they cannot receive the 100% love that the first child once did.

The closer the age gap, the more care the first child still requires, so even if they manage to redirect 50% of the parents’ love, it’s far from 100%.

At that time, the second child feels strong competition with the first child to attract more of the parents’ love.

Thus, they often imitate the first child or try to take the first child’s belongings.

Commonly seen are scenes where the younger sibling takes the older sibling’s toy, leading to a fight, with the mother intervening.

This kind of daily repetition occurs.

If the mother tells the older sibling, “You’re bigger, so give it to your younger sibling,” the older sibling feels hurt and starts to resent the younger sibling.

The bigger older sibling then seeks revenge in places the mother can’t see, but the younger sibling, who has the mother as an ally, immediately tattles to her.

This results in the older sibling getting scolded again.

In such cases, it’s recommended to ask both the older and younger siblings, “What happened?”

By doing so, the older sibling can play with their toy, and the younger sibling learns to ask, “Big brother, can I play with it too?”

This promotes a good relationship between siblings and leads them to live a life based on their own desires.

Even so, the first child, growing up with a younger sibling, often becomes a caring older brother or sister.

They also tend to avoid conflicts and strive to get along with everyone, showing a peaceful nature.

Many sibling relationships exhibit the dynamic of the gentle and peaceful first child and the free-spirited second child.

Your fundamental worldview.

This worldview might be influenced by your relationship with your siblings.