#26 当たり前という奇跡-8

２００３．１２．９(火)
　昨日，嬉しい報告をしたが，実は最近，良く眠れない日々が続いている．特別気持ち悪い訳ではないのだが，なんだか眠れない．ただ，食事も摂れてきているし，このまま順調にいけば近いうち普通の病院食を食べられるようになるだろうとのこと．きっとすぐにお粥を卒業して普通のご飯を食べれるようになるでしょう．今日は昼，夕と食べたけど吐かなかったし，下痢もそこまで激しくなかった．明日は３食にチャレンジしようと思う．主治医も合意してくれているので，順調にいっているのだろう．
　しかし，実は今，１つ大きな問題を抱えている．それは，肛門のタダレだ．少しずつ治まってきているのだが，毎日複数回下痢をしていることによって，皮膚がただれ，さらにGVHDの影響で柔らかい皮膚組織が変化してきているのだ．そのせいでなんという痒みだろうか．それに加えて，タマ袋もただれていて，嫌なところが非常に痒い．痒いだけじゃない．ただれてかさぶたみたいになるのだが，歩く度にその部分が擦れて，かさぶたみたいなのが剥がれて，今度は痛くなるのだ．看護師さんに言ったら，「見せてみて」と言ってきたので，そこは思春期の青年，丁重にお断りをした．患者である前に一人の青年ですよ．恥ずかしいに決まってるでしょ．まったく．．あー，痛い．おやすみ．
 
２００３．１２．１０(水)
　今日は沢山の吉報が届いた．まず１つ目は，ご飯を出してもらえるようになったこと．さらに，その食事は病室ではなく，デイールームで食べて良いとのこと．これまでは安全第一で食事の時は部屋でベッド上で食べていたのだが，状態も落ち着いてきたとのことで，みんなと一緒に椅子に座って食べられるようになったのだ．嬉しいですね．本当に．
　２つ目は，抗生剤が点滴から服薬に変わったこと．いつも点滴で栄養水やその他の治療をしてきたが，服薬に変更となった．そう，これでようやく点滴とおさらばの毎日がぐっと近づいたのだ．これらの変化は，つまり退院が近づいてきた証拠なのだ．は〜，とうとうここまでやってきたのか．まだ決定ではないけれど，これは目標としていた年内退院も夢ではない！明るく楽しく残りの入院生活を過ごそう．
 
２００３．１２．１１(木)
　今日はすごい方がお見舞いに来てくれた．千葉ロッテマリーンズに在籍する○○さんだ．○○さんは，我が母校の卒業生で，現在はプロ野球選手として活躍している．今年は９勝を挙げ，チームの勝利にかなり貢献され，チームに必要不可欠な選手である．プロ野球選手はシーズン以外も多忙らしく，地元への挨拶や，ファン感謝祭やその他イベントが盛りだくさんらしい．そんな多忙な中，わざわざ見舞いに来てくれた．そして，さらに嬉しいことにアンダーシャツまで頂いた．今日は体調も良かったので，心底嬉しかった．明後日にもすごい方がお見舞いに来てくれる予定なので，楽しい日々が続きます．
 
２００３．１２．１２(金)
　まだ昨日の出来事に酔っています．明日もこの興奮が続くと思っただけでも気分が踊ります．さて，今日の採血結果は白血球が４７００と充実．ヘモグロビンも増えて来ており，とても順調な回復だ．血小板の輸血ももう必要ないだろうとのこと．良かった，良かった．そして今日はMさんが見舞いに来てくれた．外来で来たらしい．何やら髪の毛が生えてこないとかで心配になっているらしい．そんな話を聞いている自分自身も頭はツルツルで全身の毛がない．だからちょっと自分のことのように聞いていた．でも自分以上にMさんは年齢がはるかに上だから，生えてこないと色々心配になるのだろう．そして，自分が退院したら一緒にバーベキューをしようと約束した．せっかくだからHさんもAさんもNさんもみ〜んな誘ってお酒飲みたいね．楽しみで仕方ないですよ，ほんと．あ〜，早く退院してぇ〜．

2003.12.9(Tue)
As I happily reported yesterday, I have been unable to sleep well these days. I don't feel particularly sick, but I can't sleep at all. However, he is eating well, and if things continue to go well, he will be able to eat regular hospital food in the near future.
I'm sure he will graduate from porridge and be able to eat regular rice soon. He ate lunch and dinner today, but he didn't throw up, and his diarrhea wasn't that severe. I'm going to try three meals tomorrow.
My doctor agrees with me, so I guess things are going well.　However, I have one big problem now.
It is anal leakage. It is gradually subsiding, but the multiple daily diarrhea is causing sores on the skin, and the GVHD is changing the soft skin tissue.
What an itch! On top of that, my ball sack is sore, and it itches in all the wrong places. Not just itchy. The sores would form like scabs, and every time I walked, the scabs would rub against the sores and peel off, which in turn would hurt.
When I mentioned this to the nurse, she asked me to show it to her, which I politely declined, being a young adolescent.
I am a young man before I am a patient. Of course I should be embarrassed. I was embarrassed.... Ah, it hurts. Good night.

2003.12.10(Wed)
Lots of good news arrived today. The first one is that I am now being served food. Moreover, I am allowed to eat in the day room, not in the hospital room. Until now, he had been eating in his room on his bed for safety first, but now that his condition has calmed down, he can eat sitting on a chair with everyone else.
I'm so happy.
I'm really happy.
Second, the antibiotics have been changed from intravenous drip to medication. The second is that the antibiotics have been changed from intravenous drips to medication, and the patient is now on medication. Yes, this means that I can finally get closer to the day when I will no longer be on an IV drip. These changes are evidence that I am getting closer to discharge from the hospital. Wow, I've finally made it this far. Although it is not yet decided, it is not a dream that I will be discharged within this year, which was my goal!
Let's spend the rest of our hospital stay in a cheerful and happy manner.

2003.12.11(Thu)
An amazing person came to visit me today. He is a member of the Chiba Lotte Marines. Mr. XX is a graduate of my alma mater, and is now a professional baseball player. He is an indispensable player for the team, winning 9 games this year and contributing to the team's victory.
It seems that professional baseball players are very busy outside of the season, greeting their hometowns and attending fan festivals and other events. He took time out of his busy schedule to come and visit us.
He even gave me an undershirt.
I was feeling good today, so I was really happy.
The day after tomorrow, another great person is scheduled to come to visit me, so the days of fun will continue.

2003.12.12(Fri)
I am still drunk from yesterday's events. Just the thought that this excitement will continue tomorrow makes me dance. Today's blood results show that my white blood cell count is 4700, and my hemoglobin is increasing. Hemoglobin is also increasing, and his recovery is going very well.
He will not need any more platelet transfusions.
Good, good, good.
Mr. M came to visit me today. He came as an outpatient. He said he was worried because his hair was not growing back. I myself have a smooth head and no hair all over my body. So I was listening to him as if he were myself.
But Mr. M is much older than I am, so I guess he worries a lot when his hair doesn't grow back. He promised to have a barbecue with me when he was discharged from the hospital. I would like to invite Mr. H, Ms. A, and Mr. N to join us for drinks. I'm really looking forward to it. I can't wait to get out of the hospital.