#6 当たり前は当たり前じゃない-1
突然ですが，
私は今から22年前，大きな大きなターニングポイントを迎えました．
当時は本当に辛く，なんで自分がその立場になったのか，受け入れるのには時間がかかりました．
でも，今であればわかる．
自分には必要なことだったって．
あれがなければ今の自分はありえない．
偏差値は30代のままだったはず．
池江璃花子さん，市川團十郎さん，渡辺謙さんなど，多くの方々も経験したあの病気．．．
当時高校2年生だった自分は得体の知れない熱発と腹痛に苛まれ，救急車に運ばれ大学病院へ向かいました．
「検査入院」と言われ，その後は予期せぬ長期入院．
本当に人生を大きく変える出来事になりました
気づけば今年で40歳目前．
当時の5年生存率は34%
つまり，その病気をして，5年間生存できたのは100名中34名．
その後の生存率は不明．統計学的には指数関数的に減少するのは当たり前ですから，今の自分が存在していることは，一般的な偶然よりも遥かに確率論の低いこと
このことを人は”奇跡”と呼ぶのだろう
なんてカッコよく書いてみた笑
ここに，当時，認めていた”闘病記”をシリーズにして伝えていきたいと思います．
本当は，出版会社に提供して，書籍化したい思いがあります．
だけど，自費出版である以上，費用がかかり，出版することは大変なことです．
それでも，自分の中だけにとどめておくのは勿体無い．
もし，これを目にした方が一人でも心動くことができたなら，本当に嬉しいし，生きてきてよかったと思える．
だからこそ，ここからお届けし，多くの日の目を浴びることはないかも知れない一人のストーリーを見ていただけたら嬉しいです．
当たり前に過ごしている今だからこそ，当たり前では無いんだよってことをちゃんとわかって生きるのとそうで無いのはまるで違う．
入院〜地固め治療(４月〜９月)
２００３．８．６(水)
なぜかこの日記は入院してから４ヵ月後からスタートしています．それではこれまでの経過を混ぜながら進めて行きます．
２００３年４月６日午後６時頃，○○病院から救急車で運ばれ，７時過ぎ，入院が決定．最初はイレウス（腸閉塞）でしたが，検査の結果，白血病（俺の場合は急性リンパ性白血病ALL）と診断されました．６日〜１０日ぐらいまでは熱が４０度以上出てしまいました．そのため治療が１週間くらい遅れてしまったのです．まぁもちろんその間にも痛い，痛い検査（骨髄穿刺や腰椎穿刺）はもちろん，点滴の管を入れる小手術みたいなの（IVH）もやりました．全てが初めての俺は本当にビビっていました．それから１ヵ月後，無事寛解（骨髄穿刺をして，そのとった骨髄液を顕微鏡で見て，その時点で白血病細胞がない状態）に入ったわけです．
そして今・・・地固め療法（悪い細胞を抑えるために良い状態を維持する）の３クール目に入っているのです．基本的には４クールやるらしい．２クール目の時はコース１で１週間くらい吐き気が止まらず，コース２では口内炎と熱が出てしまい，予定外だった抗生剤や解熱剤も入れられてしまったわけです．この時はノイアップ（白血球を人工的に上げる注射）を５日間やったのに好中球が１００しか上がらず，１００しかなかった時が数日続いたのです．今考えるとあの時はかなり危なかった．
２００３．８．７(木)
今日は夜中の４時半頃に３９．５度まで熱が上がってしまった．そん時はメチャメチャだるくてかなーり辛かった．でも今はかなり調子も良く気分もいい．
しかも，ドナーさんがもうすぐ決まりそうで，HLA（白血球の型）も遺伝子型も一致してこの上ない人だそうです．だから今はメチャメチャ気分に乗っているのです．そして今日は日中にWさんとHさんと楽しく話せたし，なんか最近は入院生活もそう悪くないなぁなんて思ってきています．それと，本日より待ちに待った夏の全国高等学校野球選手権大会が始まりました．来年の今頃復帰して野球をやっている姿を想像したら興奮で眠れません．アァ，早く野球してぇなぁ．
２００３．８．２１(木)
またかなり間が空いてしまいましたね．その間の出来事を簡単に説明致します．１９日までは病棟の引っ越しがあり，これまでは７階南病棟だったのが，４階西病棟になってしまったのです．少しは手伝いできるかなぁと思っていたのですが，ちょっと無理でした．その期間，ずっと体調の方が少し悪く，少し吐き気もあったので．というわけで，現在はやや沈み気味となっております．
つづく
Suddenly, 22 years ago, I reached a major turning point.
It was really hard at the time, and it took me a long time to accept why I was put in that position. But now I understand. I know now that it was necessary for me. Without it, I would not be where I am today. I would still be in my 30s.
Rikako Ikee, Danjuro Ichikawa, Ken Watanabe, and many others had experienced that disease. As a second-year high school student at the time, I was tormented by an inexplicable fever and abdominal pain, and was taken by ambulance to a university hospital. I was told that I would be admitted to the hospital for further tests, but I was unexpectedly hospitalized for an extended period of time.
It was truly a life-changing event.
I realized that I was about to turn 40 years old this year. The 5-year survival rate at the time was 34%, meaning that 34 out of 100 people with the disease survived for 5 years. The survival rate after that is unknown. Statistically speaking, it is a matter of course that the number of survivors decreases exponentially, so the fact that I am here today is far less of a probability theory than an ordinary coincidence.
This is what people call a “miracle.
What a cool thing to write!
Here, I would like to share with you a series of “battle notes” that I admitted to myself at the time.
In fact, I would like to offer it to a publishing company and publish it as a book. However, as a self-published book, it would be very expensive and difficult to publish.
Still, it would be a shame to keep it to myself. If even one person who sees this can be moved by it, I will be very happy, and I will be glad to have lived.
That is why I am happy to share with you this story of one person who may never see the light of day.
It's because we take things for granted nowadays that we live our lives knowing that we don't take them for granted, and that's the difference between living and not living.
Hospitalization - Groundwork Treatment (April - September) 2003.8.6(Wed)
For some reason, this diary starts 4 months after my hospitalization. Let's go on with the progress so far. On April 6, 2003, at around 6:00 p.m., I was brought by ambulance from XX Hospital, and was admitted to the hospital after 7:00 p.m. I had an ileus (intestinal obstruction) at first. I had an ileus (intestinal obstruction) at first, but as a result of examination, I was diagnosed with leukemia (in my case, acute lymphoblastic leukemia ALL). This delayed my treatment for about a week. Of course, I had to undergo painful tests (bone marrow puncture, lumbar puncture) and a small surgery (IVH) to insert an intravenous tube. I was really scared because I had never had anything like that before. One month later, I went into remission (a state in which there are no leukemia cells when the bone marrow is punctured and the bone marrow fluid is looked at under a microscope). And now... I am in the third course of consolidation therapy (maintaining a good condition to suppress bad cells). The second course, course 1, left me nauseous for about a week, and course 2 left me with mouth ulcers and a fever, and they put me on antibiotics and antipyretics, which I wasn't supposed to be on. I was given an unscheduled course of antibiotics and fever reducers. I had a 5-day course of Neupup (injections to artificially raise white blood cells), but my neutrophil count was only 100, and there were several days when it was only 100. Thinking about it now, it was a very close call.... 2003.8.7(Thu) My fever rose to 39.5 degrees Celsius at around 4:30 a.m. today. At that time, I was very tired and it was quite painful.... But I'm feeling much better now. Moreover, a donor is going to be selected soon, and the HLA (white blood cell type) and genotype match is perfect. So I am in a great mood right now. I had a nice talk with Mr. W and Mrs. H during the day today, and I'm thinking that hospitalization is not so bad these days. The long-awaited National High School Baseball Tournament has started today. I can't sleep because of the excitement of imagining myself back playing baseball this time next year. I can't wait to play baseball.
2003.8.21(Thu) It's been quite a while again. The ward was moved from the 7th floor south to the 4th floor west until the 19th, and I thought I might be able to help a little. I thought I would be able to help a little, but it was not possible. I have been feeling a little sick and a little nauseous during that period. So, I am feeling a little down at the moment.
To be continued