#14 当たり前の価値-1

「当たり前は当たり前じゃない」のseason2として，また新たなドラマをお送りいたします．

地固め治療最終章(９月〜１０月)

２００３．９．２５(木)
　今日，帰ってきました．いつも仮退院から帰ってくると，マルクをするのだが，今回はIVHとルンバールもセットだった．この３点セットはこの病気にかかっている人間にとって最悪のセットだ．きっと普通に生きていたら味わうことのない痛みを伴うからだ．どのような痛みかと言うと，人によって表現は様々だけど，自分の場合は「内臓を抉り取られる感覚」となるだろうか．ある人は「魂を抜き取られる感覚」とも言う．ただ，共通していることは“激痛”と言うことだ．一体，今後，あと何回受けるんだろうか．
　また，移植担当のM教授から話を受けた．ひとまず，状態としては安定してきているので，強い治療のみやりましょう．ということだった．その強い薬というのは，メソトレキセートといい，口内炎を大量発生させるあいつだ．どんなに口内炎ができないように対応しても，自分の場合はできてしまう．とっても憂鬱だ．だけど，今回の治療でひと段落できるから，頑張ろう．耐えるだけだからね．
　体重のことも話された．ひとまず，現状維持でいきましょうとのこと．ただしかし，当初の目標を下げて移植に臨むとか，それは自分のプライドが許さない．みんなが驚くような減量をしてやろう！！見てろよ，誰か笑．
 
２００３・９．２６(金)
　今日から移植前の地固め療法最後の治療が開始された．今日は非常に面倒な日だった．何が面倒かというと，口内炎予防のための嗽と，氷を口に含み，ただひたすら口の温度を下げるというものだ．眠くても怠ってしまうとすぐに口内炎ができてしまう．非常に厄介．ただ，最後ということもあり，自分の中ではやりきった感はある．移植についても，移植担当の看護師さんから色々話を聞き，どのような部屋でいるのか，その部屋にいるのはどれくらいの期間なのか，辛いものなのかなどなど．不安はあるものの，まだまだ未経験のものが沢山あり，ほんの少し楽しみな部分もある．ただ，移植前の強い治療は本当に辛いらしい．特に，全身放射線照射(TBI)をやった後は，これまでにない副作用に襲われるらしい．恐ろしいですね．けど，びびったってしょうがない．やるだけだ．これまでに移植を受けた人の中で，その後３５日で退院した人がいるらしい．ようし，俺は３０日未満で退院してやろう！この先，医療が進歩しても破られないくらいの最短記録を作ってやる！！あぁ，早く受けたいなぁ．
 
２００３．９．２７(土)
　今日は兄の誕生日．おめでとう！！
同じ部屋の人の中に，自分と喋ってくれる人がおらず，今の入院生活は非常に退屈だ．前まではよく可愛がってくれる人がいたが，今はもう退院してしまっていない．こうやって思うと，そういう人がいてくれているおかげで，これまで大きな副作用なくやってこれているのかなと思う．たわいもない小僧と話をしてくれるから，考えこまいで入れるのかもしれない．色んな人に支えられているんだな．感謝感謝．そして，何より早く野球がしたい．みんなと走りまくってもう歩けないってなるくらい練習したい．早くそうなれるように，頑張ろう！！

２００３．９．２８(日)
　昨日，瞬兄の１９歳の誕生日だった．早いなぁ．あと１年したら２０歳だよ．大人だわ．そしたらあれでしょ．お酒飲めるんでしょ．羨ましい．俺も早く２０歳になりたい！！
　さて，明日は移植を控えたKさんが入院してくる．入院と同時に無菌室で処置を受けるようだ．どんなんだろうか，無菌室．そしてどうなんだろう，無菌食．聞いただけでまずそうだけど．出て来たら聞いてみよう．
　一方，自分の方はと言うと，氷を頑張ったおかげで口内炎ができてこない．もしかしたらこのままできないままいってくれるかもしれない．そうなったら嬉しいな！ただしかし，今の抗がん剤は発熱も起こすことが非常に多い．白血球が少ない時期に発熱するから，長期化することもある．移植となるときっともっと大変なんだろうな．ただ，これが最後の地固め治療と思えば，多少は気が楽になる．頑張ろう．
 
２００３．９．２９(月)
　今日，３週間ぶりにKさんに会った．少しだけ顔が丸くなったような気がした．自分も丸くなった笑．どうして痩せないんだろう．飯を半分にして炭酸をやめてお菓子をやめてカップ麺もやめたのに．やっぱり運動しないとダメなんだろうか．といっても今は点滴をぶら下げてるから自由に動けないんだけどね．ひとまず，今の６２．３から６０を切ることを目標に頑張りましょう！

We are pleased to present a new drama as season 2 of “What's natural is not natural.

The final chapter of the groundwork treatment (September-October)

2003.9.25(Thu) I came back today. Whenever I come back from the provisional discharge from the hospital, I usually have a Marc done, but this time I also had a set of IVH and Lumbar. This is the worst set for a person suffering from this disease. It is because it is accompanied by pain that one would never experience if one lived a normal life. The pain can be described in different ways by different people, but in my case, it was “the feeling of having my internal organs ripped out”. Some people call it “the feeling of having one's soul ripped out of one's body. But the one thing they all have in common is that it hurts like hell. I wonder how many more times I will have to undergo this procedure.　Professor M, who is in charge of transplantation, talked to me again. The patient's condition has been stabilized for the time being, so we will only give him a strong treatment. The strong drugs are methotrexate and metformin. The strong drug is called methotrexate, which causes mouth ulcers. No matter how hard I try to avoid getting mouth ulcers, I always get mouth ulcers. It's very depressing. But this treatment will give me a break, so I'll just have to hang in there. I just have to endure.　He also told me about my weight. He said that I should keep my weight at the current level for now. However, my pride would not allow me to lower my initial goal and go for a transplant. I'm going to lose weight in a way that will surprise everyone! Watch me, anyone?

2003・9・26(Friday.) Today is the last day of the pre-transplant groundwork treatment. Today was a very troublesome day. I had to rinse my mouth out to prevent mouth ulcers and put ice cubes in my mouth to lower the temperature of my mouth. If I neglect to do this even when I am sleepy, I get mouth ulcers immediately. It is very troublesome. However, since it was the last time, I felt that I had done all I could do. The nurses in charge of transplantation talked to me a lot about the transplantation, what kind of room I would be in, how long I would be in that room, how painful it would be, etc. I was anxious, but I still had not experienced it yet. Although I am anxious, there are still many things I have not experienced yet, and I am looking forward to it a little. However, I hear that the strong treatment before transplantation is really painful. Especially after total-body irradiation (TBI), I hear that I will have unprecedented side effects. It's scary, isn't it? But I don't care if I'm scared. Just do it. I've heard that some transplant recipients have been discharged from the hospital after 35 days. All right, I'll be out of the hospital in less than 30 days! I'm going to set a record for the shortest time ever, a record that will never be broken, even if medical advances are made in the future! Oh, I can't wait to receive the transplant.

2003.9.27(Sat) Today is my brother's birthday. Happy birthday! I am very bored in the hospital because there is no one in the same room who will talk to me. There used to be someone who used to take good care of me, but he has already left the hospital. I think it is because of them that I have been able to do this without any major side effects. They talk to me as a silly little boy, so maybe I can get in there without thinking too much. So many people are supporting me. Thank you, thank you. And most of all, I can't wait to play baseball. I want to run around with everyone and practice until I can't walk anymore. I'll do my best to make it happen soon!

2003.9.28(Sun) Yesterday was my brother Shun's 19th birthday. How fast it goes. He will be 20 in a year. He's an adult. Then he will be able to drink, right? He can drink alcohol, right? I envy you. I can't wait to be 20 too!　Tomorrow, Mr. K will be admitted to the hospital for his transplant. He is going to be treated in a sterile room as soon as he is admitted. I wonder what it will be like in the sterile room. And what about the aseptic food? Just hearing about it, it sounds bad. I'll ask him when he comes out.　Meanwhile, as for myself, thanks to the ice, I don't have any mouth ulcers. Maybe they'll stay that way. I'll be happy if that happens! However, the current anti-cancer drugs often cause fever as well. The fever occurs at a time when white blood cell counts are low, so it can be prolonged. Transplantation would probably be even more difficult. But I feel a little better if I think of this as the last groundwork treatment. Let's do our best. 2003.9.29(Mon) Today, I saw Mr. K for the first time in three weeks. I felt his face was a little rounder. I'm rounded too, lol... Why can't I lose weight? I've cut my meals in half, stopped drinking soda, stopped eating sweets, stopped eating cup noodles.... I guess I need to exercise.... I can't move freely now that I have an IV hanging from my arm, though... For now, let's try to get my weight down below 60 from the current 62.3!