Don't break up just yet, OK!

It's official. I'm getting a divorce.

DIVORCE?

Well these past 2 years haven't been easy on our relationship. We both have been doing remote work. And you know we live in 2LDK.
We decided to separate.

You're still living in the same place together. How is that separated?

It's hard to explain, but it is a conscience separation. It's like a normal marriage but without the sex.

Are you kidding? How is that even remotely normal? I've known the both of you  since college. You guys are perfect. I want to be in a relationship like you. You guys are my hero's.

-Sigh-
She brought it up. We talked about it. We agreed!

Dude, it can't be that simple! What's the problem exactly?

You don't know what it's like seeing each other 24 hours a day, every day, for 2 years. UHH- it's like wearing a pair of shoes all day long. Even when going to bed. It's uncomfortable. My feet can't breath. Of course I take them off to shower but immediately put them back on after.
I got sores on my feet.

You're so bad at making analogies, but let's follow it. For example, if you have only one pare of shoes to wear, and say the action of wearing said shoes is marriage. Then why not get better shoes? More comfortable and fitting for action.

You want me to buy new shoes?

Stay with me here! This is not rocket science.
Were beyond hobbies and things you have in common. I mean it's a good thing that you both know much more about each other. In this case the dislikes. A man would pay a million bucks to know what his partner hates to either A, choose to stay married, or B, choose to avoid the anger. Imagine, if you could piss off your wife less.

Go on!

You both have good jobs. Well hers is better.

How so?

She gets paid more! Duh!

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is move to a larger apartment in a different location? A 3LDK. A 50 minute train to the office. With parking.

How is parking going to help?

Ok, you want to go there? Remember we used to all go on rode trips in college? I used my dads Mini. It was cramped for 4 people, but every time was an adventure. I don't know why but I always ended up having sex on or after the trip.
You and her sat together in the back. Think of having a parking spot as buying a car in the future. Renting is ok too. Do that annual Times rental membership. Kick start the adventure again.

And the new apartment?

It's been 10 years bro. I can't speak for a woman, but I know there is a maternal urge. More these days due to the corona. It's an itch that can't be scratched.
An extra room is an office space. I'm a carpenter. I will modify the room to resemble less of a home. Pay me in beer.
Not to mention, a second room calls out "BABY!"

BABY?

A child dummy! Use your imagination. She's been wearing the same shoes all day long. Even when going to bed. It's uncomfortable.
It's time bro. Be the man! Tell her you changed your mind. Say your sorry!

I don't want a divorce!
 
Take my car with her! It's a Mini! It was my dads.
Get me those tofu doughnuts from Doshi.

That's hours away!

"DUH!"

"Thank you bro!"