障壁なく自分の人生を歩むのは難しい
By Lilico Sasamoto
English below!
「男らしさ」や「女らしさ」を人から求められることはあるだろうか？自分は自分という人間を表現し生きていきたいのに他人から、「もっと男らしいことできないの？」とか「女の子らしく可愛い仕草したほうがいいよ。」などと口うるさく言われる。最初は聞きながせてもこの行為が積み重なることによって自分を苦しめる。言われた相手を責めるよりもなんで、自分は自分の性別に適した人物になれないのか、人から求められることができないのかと自分を責めてしまう人も多いのではないだろうか。人はなぜその人の「セクシャルティ」だけを見てその限られた範囲内で物事を完結させようとするのだろうか。
男らしさと女らしさの概念は「いつの間にか身につけてしまうもの」である
今の日本では「男に生まれたら男らしく」「女に生まれたら女らしく」と常識として社会から教え込まれる。また歳を重ね誰かに好意を抱くと、「男は女が好き」「女は男が好き」という当たり前が上乗せされる。これらの常識を構築する原因の1つが周囲の大人たちが子供達にかける言葉が男の子と女の子によって違いがあることが少なからず影響している。例えば、男の子は強いから泣いてはいけない、女の子は礼儀正しくしないといけないから誰にも隙をあたえてはいけないなどだ。また、落ち着きがなく忘れ物が多かったりすることに、「男の子はそういう子だから、仕方ないよね。」となるが、女の子に対しては仕方ないで終わらないはずだ。こういった日常的に何気無い言葉の使い方によって男と女の間に壁を作り自然と誰も男女差に疑問を産まなくなる。諦めてしまう。
「男らしさ」「女らしさ」を刷り込まれることから自分で自分の首を絞めることになる
「男らしさ」を振り舞うために、家の課長として家族を守る責任があると自分で自分を追い込む。そのため仕事で過度なストレスを感じても、弱音をはくことができなくなってしまう人も多いようだ。また恋愛観に対して女性は、男性に選ばれることで価値があるという認識を持っている人がたくさんいる。その中では、女性同士の間で男性に気に入られるためのメイクやモテ力を研究し、どんなときでも綺麗に着飾らなければいけなくなった。また、男性は議論の時に積極的であるイメージから殻を破れない男性が萎縮してしまい、一方で女性が声を挙げると、怖いというイメージを持たれた。
「女性は可愛ければいい」と容姿だけを見る男性観
これは私の体験である。私自身古着が好きでよく購入する。古着は一般的にウィメンズよりメンズの方が多い。私はカジュアルな服を着ることを好むため自然にメンズの服を購入することが多い。私はファッションにジェンダーは関係ないと思っている。服が好きで「自分」という個性を服のスタイルで表すことは私にとって容易だ。しかし、私の友達の視点から私の服は男性が着るものだとはっきり述べた.「女の子が着そうな服（彼が思う女性の服はスカートだろう）とか持ってないの？」と私に言った。彼にとっては何気ない質問でも私は理解できなかった。女性らしい服って何？人それぞれ好みが異なるということはスタイルも違う。それの何が悪いの？いろんな服のスタイルがあるからこそ面白いんじゃないだろうか。また、彼はこうも言った。「女の子は容姿が可愛ければ可愛いほど魅力的だ。」と。話が通じない、そう思った。女性をなんだと思っているのかわからなかった。彼のように産まれてきた性別によって決まった生き方があると思っている人はこの世に多くいるだろう。枠にとらわれた人生はつまらない。
性別を問わないノンバイナリーの人達の存在を忘れていないか？
男らしさや女らしさを求めることによって、ノンバイナリーの人達の行き場を蝕む。性別にとらわれた強要が彼らは視野に入っていないのだと気づく。自分の存在をないものとして話をされることが一番辛いのだと述べていた。性別の概念から少し外れて恋愛の話でも彼ら、またLGBTQ+のコミュニティーの人達に違和感を感じる。その人のセクシュアリティから推測する「彼氏いる？」や「彼女いる？」の使い分けた問いかけは、同性と恋愛することは視野にない、常識ではないのだと解釈する。
ジェンダーにとらわれない1人の人間として個性を発揮できる社会
冒頭にも述べたように、今の日本は男性と女性に対する常識が既に確立されている。性別にとらわれない社会をみんなで作ろうなどと大層なことは言わない。しかし、いつ何時でも男性女性の固定観念に縛られた考えに苦しんでいる人がいることを忘れてはいけない。苦しんでいる私たち、彼らと一緒に分かち合い、その意見はおかしいと言えるようになろう。自分の何気ない言葉が人を傷つけることもあるということを知ってほしい。自分の意見に責任を持ち、人を思いやる心が大切。自分の価値観を人に押し付けない、強要しない。この世に常識というものは存在しないのだから。
It's hard to go through life on your own without barriers
By Lilico Sasamoto
Do you ever feel the need to be "masculine" or "feminine"? I want to live my life expressing who I am, but others ask me, "Can't you do something more masculine? or "You should act more like a girl and act prettier. I want to express myself and live my life, but others nag me, "Can't you do something more masculine? At first, you may be able to ignore these comments, but as the comments pile up, you find yourself in a lot of pain. Rather than blaming the person who said it, many people may blame themselves, wondering why they cannot become a person appropriate for their gender or why they cannot do what others want from them. Why do people look only at a person's "sexuality" and try to complete things within that limited scope?
The concepts of masculinity and femininity are "something that is acquired before one knows it
In today's Japan, we are taught by society as a matter of common sense that "if you are born a man, you should act like a man" and "if you are born a woman, you should act like a woman. When one grows older and develops feelings for someone, the common sense that "men like women" and "women like men" is added on top of that. One of the reasons for the construction of this common sense is the fact that the adults around children differ in the way they speak to them, depending on whether they are boys or girls. For example, boys are strong and should not cry, while girls need to be polite and should not give anyone an opening. For example, boys are strong and should not cry, and girls should be polite and should not give anyone an opening. But for girls, it should not end there. This kind of casual use of language in daily life builds a wall between men and women, and naturally no one questions the difference between men and women. They give up.
They will choke themselves because they are imprinted with "masculinity" and "femininity.
In order to pretend to be "manly," they drive themselves into a corner that they are responsible for protecting their family as the chief of the house. As a result, many of them become incapable of making a weak statement even when they experience excessive stress at work. In addition, with regard to their view of love, many women have the perception that they are valuable because they are chosen by men. In this context, women have studied make-up and attractiveness to be liked by men among themselves, and they have to dress nicely at all times. In addition, the image of men being aggressive during discussions caused men who could not come out of their shells to shrivel up; on the other hand, when women spoke up, they were perceived as scary.
The view of men who only look at looks, saying, "Women only need to be pretty."
This is my experience. I myself like vintage clothes and often buy them. In general, men's vintage clothing is more common than women's clothing. I prefer to wear casual clothes, so I naturally tend to buy men's clothes. I don't think gender has anything to do with fashion. I like clothes and it is easy for me to express my "self" personality through my clothing style. However, from my friend's point of view I clearly stated that my clothes are for men to wear . He said, "Don't you have any clothes that a girl would wear (his idea of women's clothes would be skirts) or something like that?" He said to me. What to him was a casual question, I did not understand. What is feminine clothing? Different people have different tastes, which means different styles. What's wrong with that? Isn't it interesting that there are so many different styles of clothing? He also said this. "The prettier a girl looks, the more attractive she is." I thought, "I don't get it. I thought to myself, "I'm not getting the point. I didn't know what he thought women were. Like him, there are many people in this world who think that there is a certain way of life depending on the sex they were born into. A life bound by a framework is boring.
Don't we forget that there are non-binary people who are not limited by gender?
By demanding masculinity and femininity, we undermine the non-binary people's place in the world. We realize that gender-obsessed coercion is not in their purview. They stated that the hardest thing for them is to be talked about as if they don't exist. I feel uncomfortable with them and with people in the LGBTQ+ community when they talk about love outside of the concept of gender. The "Do you have a boyfriend?" and "Do you have a girlfriend?" that I infer from a person's sexuality. or "Do you have a girlfriend?" are interpreted as not being in love with someone of the same gender, or as not being a common practice.
A society where people can express their individuality as a person without being restricted by gender
As mentioned at the beginning of this article, common sense about men and women is already established in Japan today. I am not saying that we should all work together to create a gender-neutral society. However, we should not forget that there are people who are suffering from stereotyped ideas of men and women at any given time. Let us, who are suffering, share with them and be able to say that their opinions are wrong. I want you to know that your casual words can hurt people. It is important to take responsibility for our opinions and be considerate of others. Do not impose your own values on others, and do not force them on others. There is no such thing as common sense in this world.
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