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グッドアフタヌーン
軽やかに虚無をすり抜けているグッドアフタヌーン。
すれ違う街の人々と私と何か関係ありそうでほとんど関係なく、私に降り注ぐ陽の光の方が私の温度を上昇させてくれる。
誰かに好きだと言われたことはあるかい? あれからずっと考えている。一体全体関係とはなんなのかを。
軽々しい関係、重々しい関係。フラットな関係。近くにいないけど、ずっと一緒にいる関係。
私は何かを演じているうちに、それそのものになってしまうことが関係だと直感した。
私に好きだと言ったあなた、あなたは私になりたいのかい。いやいやそういう趣味はないでしょう。だったら欲望をしっかりと言語化してくれたまえ。
それはそうとして、先週の夜、友人が酒を飲んでそれなりに酔っ払っているのにバイクで家に帰ると言い出した。
もちろん説得したのだけれども、なかなか言うことを聞いてくれない。
その時も直感した。こいつはしばらく前、そう30年以上前から人生に絶望していて、死ぬきっかけを見つけたいのだと。
だけど、貴様が心配だから、頼むから今日はうちに泊まって行ってくれ。帰るのは明日の朝にしてくれと。家で白湯を飲ませて酒をできるだけ抜こうと努力した。
だけど、こいつまた酒を飲むだろう。だって死にたいのだから。
と経験を整理しているうちに移動しなければいけない時間だ。移動っていうのは意識をかっさらっていくから生きていくのに移動はちょうどいいね。
偉そうですいません。
Good afternoon, lightly slipping through the emptiness.
It seems to have something to do with the people of the city I pass, but it has little to do with me, and the sunlight falling on me is more likely to raise my temperature.
Has anyone ever told you they love you? I've been thinking about it ever since. What exactly is a relationship?
A light relationship, a heavy relationship. A flat relationship. A relationship where we're not close, but we're together all the time.
I have an intuition that a relationship is when you play something and become it.
You said you liked me, do you want to be me? No, no, you don't have that kind of taste. Then please verbalize your desire well.
That being said, one night last week, a friend of mine insisted on riding home on his motorcycle even though he had been drinking and was reasonably intoxicated.
Of course, I tried to persuade him, but he would not listen to me.
I had a hunch. He has been despairing of his life for some time now, more than 30 years, and wants to find a reason to die.
But I'm worried about you, so I'm begging you to stay at my house today. He asked me to leave in the morning. I gave him some white water to drink at home and tried to get rid of as much alcohol as possible.
But he will drink again, because he wants to die. Because he wants to die.
While I was sorting out my experiences, it was time to move on. Moving is a good way to stay alive, because it steals your consciousness.
Sorry to be so bossy. The real me is not found in me.
Sorry to be so bossy. The real me is not found in me.