My Challenge Started This Week

My challenging experience of single-handedly managing child-rearing, what I call "one-operator parenting," began last Saturday. Initially, I was excited and approached the situation like a game, eager to see how well I could handle it on my own. However, once my husband departed for Africa, a wave of insecurity and anxiety hit me all of a sudden.

My son is generally thoughtful and quiet. When I was busy with other things and unable to give him attention, he behaved calmly and understandingly, which I greatly appreciated. However, there were moments when I felt extremely anxious and frustrated, especially when both children ignored my words and continued with their personal activities, even after I had repeatedly raised my voice. It’s normal for toddlers to have meltdowns and lose focus when listening to adults' instructions. I understand this logically, but I still find myself getting irritated and shouting harshly at them.

My daughter has had diarrhea for the past 3 to 4 days. Due to her illness, her appetite has significantly declined. After trying hard to feed her repeatedly, I eventually lost patience and forced the food into her mouth, even though she kept refusing it. During this process, I didn’t have time to check whether my son was eating properly. When I finally shifted my attention to him, I would always find him engrossed in watching videos, barely touching his food. This scenario drove me crazy, and my emotions exploded. Instead of calmly asking him to focus on dinner, I used punishment as a threat, loudly warning that I would turn off the device if he didn’t start eating. Every time this happens, I feel deep regret afterward. I don’t know why I keep repeating the same behavior, even after reflecting on how I shouldn’t act that way.

I know I need to learn how to calm myself down, even when things don’t go as expected. I need to show more grace to myself and my children, and be gentle with myself. I also need to accept things as they are, without feeling the pressure to control every situation by myself. Parenting truly requires patience!

Through this experience of managing my children alone, I’ve come to realize that parenting is not only about handling the needs and behavior of children but also about managing my own emotions. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when things don’t go as expected, and in those moments, I have a tendency to react with frustration. However, these situations are also opportunities for personal growth. I need to remind myself that perfection in parenting is unrealistic, and it’s okay to make mistakes. What matters most is how I learn from these challenges.

By allowing myself more grace and acknowledging that I don’t need to be in control of every moment, I can create a more peaceful environment for both myself and my children.