Navigating Another Solo Parenting Adventure
Yesterday, my husband headed to Nigeria for a business trip, and my younger sister returned to China, leaving our home suddenly quiet and leaving me alone with my two kids. This situation marks another time-limited, one-parent child-rearing challenge, as my husband also spent a week in Nigeria last October for the same project. Even though I’ve already tasted what it’s like to juggle everything on my own, I still find it a bit nerve-racking.
One thing that really worries me is having to cook dinner during my husband’s absence. Since I’m usually not responsible for meal-related chores, cooking feels entirely out of my element, and I have no clue how to season food properly or figure out the right amount of each ingredient. Everyone around me knows I’m not much of a cook, so before she left, my sister stocked our fridge with a ton of processed food, which I’m extremely grateful for.
Choosing to keep things manageable, I promised myself not to aim too high all at once. Instead of trying to schedule everything based on my own strict standards, I decided to follow the “Let Them” approach introduced by writer and podcaster Robbin Mel. That means letting things that don’t align with my expectations be what they are, letting my kids be themselves without too much interference, allowing some tasks to remain unfinished if time runs out, and even permitting myself to procrastinate—recognizing procrastination as “the primacy of short-term mood repair over the longer-term pursuit of intended actions.”
Another thing I keep reminding myself of is avoiding comparisons between my son and other kids. It always ramps up my anxiety when I wonder if I’m doing enough for him. If I realize he isn’t as competent in a certain area as I thought he would be, I feel disappointed and begin questioning whether I’ve invested enough effort. But the truth is, I’m the one who’s invested in that particular activity—not him. Those expectations arise solely from my own thoughts, never with his agreement. So why do I think I have the privilege to feel disappointed or judgmental? My thinking gets too self-centered sometimes.
Recognizing that changing ingrained thought patterns isn’t easy, I decided to limit my exposure to triggers that encourage comparisons. For instance, during a chat with other parents of kids my son’s age, I learned one of them was progressing more quickly through Kumon math levels. My immediate reaction was to worry whether my son was falling behind or somehow less smart. I know such thinking isn’t helpful, but it feels deeply embedded—probably because of how my own parents raised me. Old personality traits and thought patterns formed in childhood are notoriously tough to shake. I don’t want to be a tiger mom, yet I sometimes catch myself sliding into that mindset.
Ultimately, I want to remain more respectful toward my kids and avoid unnecessary negativity. By holding these reminders close, I hope to enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling time with my children until my husband returns. This temporary solo-parenting phase pushes me to be more patient, more understanding, and more accepting—not just of my children, but of myself as well. Embracing the “Let Them” philosophy and steering clear of unhelpful comparisons feels like a challenging but worthwhile path to creating a calmer, more loving environment for all of us.