Letting Go of Comparisons: Embracing My Son's Unique Journey

I have to admit that I am easily affected by others. I can’t help comparing myself to other people, especially when it comes to educational matters concerning children. I know it’s terrible to think this way, and it's unnecessary to always see others as competitors. If I keep comparing, it will never end, leaving me in a constant state of dissatisfaction.

What brought these thoughts to mind is that I was considering adding another afterschool lesson to my son’s weekday evening routine after hearing that one of my friends enrolled his son in online English lessons, which seemed to have a positive effect. Last time I met them, his son greeted us in English. On top of that, when he noticed my son's socks were designed like a snack, he effortlessly shouted “snack!” It made me feel like my son’s English competency was lagging behind.

In response, I booked an online English lesson for my son yesterday. I sat beside him to support him in communicating with the tutor, who was Serbian and didn’t speak any Japanese. The main focus of the lesson was on greetings. The tutor's pronunciation was clear and slow enough, but I was disappointed by my son’s quiet voice and how clumsily he moved his mouth to form words. I felt frustrated when he mumbled instead of speaking clearly. I kept reminding him to open his mouth wide and speak up, but despite my encouragement, he continued to murmur.

When the tutor introduced a role-play activity, explaining the different roles, my son didn’t seem to understand. Instead, he simply repeated what the tutor said, even after I explained the concept of role-play in Japanese. Midway through the lesson, my son looked confused and bored, asking when the session would end. I sensed that even the tutor might have been wondering why I was pushing my son to participate in something he clearly had little interest in.

Later, my husband reminded me to be grateful for our son's participation in the lesson at all. He reassured me that our son was doing well for his age and that my dissatisfaction stemmed from setting expectations that were too high, especially for a second-year kindergartener.

Reflecting on this, I’ve come to realize that I need to accept my son for who he is, without imposing excessive expectations on him. Instead of constantly comparing him to others, I should focus more on his strengths and celebrate the progress he is making at his own pace. Jealousy and envy of what others have only create unnecessary stress. What matters is that my son is learning and growing in his own unique way.

I must learn to be patient and trust that my son will improve at his own speed. As parents, it's important to nurture our children’s natural abilities rather than pushing them to meet arbitrary benchmarks that may not suit their personal development. The real goal is not to keep up with others but to support and encourage our children to reach their full potential in a loving and supportive environment. By slowing down and embracing his individual journey, I can focus on what truly matters—his happiness, growth, and well-being.