Embracing the “Let Them” Theory: A Transformative Mindset Shift

Recently, I’ve been reading a book called The Let Them Theory, written by the public speaker Mel Robbins. I’ve also been tuning in to her podcast for almost a year, and the way she tackles life’s countless problems—and shows us how to perceive or deal with them—is incredibly empowering and really hits home for me. Since she brought up the let them theory several times on her podcast, I couldn’t help but want to figure out exactly what it is and how I could weave it into my everyday life.

I’m currently halfway through the book, and I’m already feeling so inspired by the concept—and best of all, it works. In a nutshell, the let them theory is about the many little things that can bother, depress, or irritate us. For example, when you’re on a train and the person next to you keeps coughing without covering their mouth, or when you’re rushing to buy something, but the staff walks you through every detail so politely that you end up late for your next appointment. These things are out of our control, and the more we get stuck dwelling on them, the more frustrated we become. Our precious energy and time—which we could spend on positive, productive activities—end up being drained by a spiral of negative thoughts.

That’s where the let them approach comes into play: let them cough, let them move at their own pace, let someone misunderstand your decision, let your kids be fussy, and let your husband ignore the pile of dishes. First, you give yourself a moment to accept reality as it is. Once you’ve calmed down and made peace with the situation, you shift to the “let me” part and think about how you want to respond. This doesn’t mean you’re giving in or letting people walk all over you—it’s actually a way to be proactive, take charge, and steer the situation without letting negativity knock you off track.

For example, just yesterday, after dropping off my kids at their daycares, I was about to hop on the train to work when I got a call saying my daughter wasn’t feeling well. Even though her temperature was normal, she seemed lethargic and was on the verge of throwing up several times. I immediately called my husband, who had the day off, to see if he could pick her up. However, he sounded pretty reluctant to spend his much-awaited day off taking care of her. Instead of complaining or arguing, I reached out to my supervisor, explained the situation, and asked for permission to work from home. I kept telling myself, “Let him—let him do whatever he wants. I don’t need to control him or force him to do what I think he should do.” I tried to see things from his point of view: if I had finally scored a free day after longing for a break, I wouldn’t be thrilled about giving it up, either.

Once I embraced the let them perspective, I naturally moved on to the “let me” part: “What can I do to make this situation better without trying to control anyone else?” In the end, I managed to juggle my work responsibilities while taking care of my daughter. My husband got to enjoy his day off, and by the end of the day, he was so grateful that he even treated us to a delicious homemade meal. Letting him do his thing saved me from a needless argument, spared me the stress of trying to change his behavior, and let me stay in control of my own actions.

Since I’m only halfway through the book, I’m truly excited to see how this approach might continue to be a game-changer in my life. By choosing to let them—and then focusing on my own constructive response—I’m already sidestepping pointless confrontations and keeping my energy centered on what truly matters. It’s a simple mindset shift, but it’s making all the difference.