Happiness with No Meaning, No Reason

Why are we living like this?
Is this world worth living in?
No, there is no need for this world to be worth living in.
This world does not exist for me.
I just came to this world and am living like this.
I was born and live on my own.
Of course, I am the person I am today because of the existence of my parents and family who gave birth to me and raised me, and I have great gratitude and love for them. That is an important and wonderful thing. I am not saying that it is not important.

I was born into this world as a result of various coincidences and events.
I am alive today and will continue to live until the end of my life. My life, in a word, is just that.
I came into this world without being asked to, I howl with rage and anger at the absurdity of this world, I think hard about how painful and difficult it is to live, and I try my best to talk about my thoughts. I am fascinated by music, words, and art, without knowing their meaning or purpose, and I continue to create them.

It is a wonder.
It is also a wonder that I am alive here in this way.
It is also a wonder that I am living my life here, and that I am involved with various people, creating and thinking about something together.
It is all a series of slight coincidences.

Life has no meaning.
I do not question the meaning of life.
The meaning and value of one's life is not questioned. It is being questioned.
Viktor Emil Frankl's words in "Man's Search For Meaning" are a motto for me.
It has become my strong belief.
What is life? What is the meaning of life? I shouted, "What is the meaning of life?
The answer that comes back to me from the other side is.
I don't know. That's what I'm asking you.
I nodded my head and lived again today.

I am living.
I am playing music.
I am writing.
I'm painting.
Talking with someone.
Reading a book. Watching a movie. Listening to music.
Eating. Sleeping. Taking a walk. Doing nothing.
What I am doing right now is all that matters.

Why am I doing this? I think about the reason.
Is it because I don't want to do it, but it's my job and I have no choice?
Is it because something troublesome might happen if I don't do it?
Because I want to do it, although I am not sure why?
There are things I do because I want to do them, and there are things I do somehow.
There are things I don't want to do but am made to do.

I don't really know why or what it means, but I do it anyway.
Such a state is the most enjoyable and happy.
In the world we live in today, there are more and more things that have meaning and reason, and they are suffocating us.
Sometimes we are made to do things without realizing it, or we are tricked and made to do things because we are anxious about them.
What is clear is not always right.
There are many situations where we need to value what is enjoyable even though it is ambiguous and unfamiliar. It's crazy to seek only meaning, answers, and reasons.

I try my best to push back the waves of "meaning, answers, and reasons" that come in every day and fill my days with "things that I don't really know the meaning or reasons for.
This is the happiest and most enjoyable way to feel "alive".
(May 29,2022)