Moving on.

The past month has been a hell of a rollercoaster ride. God has been so patient with me in this whole process. He's been shaping me (it literally feels like He's hammering me in every direction) into His desired shape- through the Scripture, through messages from church, songs of praise, fellowship with believers, conversations with friends, and through heart-wrenching times of prayer. 

While it may not be so visible on the outside, I've been experiencing these waves of trials after trials (like contractions when giving birth, although I've never given birth before... haha)- emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Basically in every area of life. 

(and I just remembered, that I prayed and asked God for trials two and a half weeks ago... and yeah, He gave me just what I had asked for. He truly does listen to our prayers...!)

And I can't even write normal paragraphs to describe it, so here's a poem. yup. Lame, but whatever...! 

"Moving On."

She was a girl, pretending to be all grown up.
She was a girl, pretending that she’s got her life under control.
She was a girl, pretending that she got her shit figured out.

But no. 

She was a girl, lonely and lost and without confidence in anything and everything.
She longed for the comfort of being near her loved ones,
but too afraid to face the fears of being exposed in vulnerability before them. 
She was afraid of losing the scarce bits of trust she thought she still had, which she tried to hold onto for so long, trying to not let it slip away.

It had been months since the last time she was confident in her decisions, in her choices, in her lifestyle. She was insecure; afraid of how people thought of her, how her parents viewed her, how her friends viewed her. She was afraid of never being “good”. She had lost all confidence in herself, her own decisions, her own mistakes, and her appearances, personality, and everything. 

"She" was all she could think of.
She was miserable, feeling unwanted, feeling like she’s always missing out on life.

But no.
That was all a lie. 

The whole time she had spent thinking and overthinking about herself, she was ignoring the voice that softly and passionately spoke to her. 

This voice came from someone so holy yet so close. From someone who she knew she dearly missed. The voice was telling her that, 

She was loved.
She was beautiful.
She was smart, she was creative. She was cherished, she was gifted.
She was blessed with all the qualities that were unique.
Yes, she was vulnerable, she was insecure, but she wasn’t not enough.

She didn’t have to be enough.
She didn’t have to meet the manmade standards.
She didn’t have to be "good".

All she was asked for, was to be faithful.
To be faithful to her Father.
All that was required of her was to be faithful to the One who had freed her from her past, her poor decisions, her mind that is constantly caught up in her own problems. 

The Lord had freed her from the chains of sin. The Lord had freed her from the self-absorbent lies.
SHE HAS BEEN SET FREE.
There was no need to struggle with it anymore because the Lord had won.
The Lord had won over her, her heart, her soul, her body, and her mind. She was no longer alone.

Jesus Christ had pleaded to the Father, to strengthen her and encourage her, to guide her in the time of darkness, to cheer her up in times of sorrow.
Jesus Christ, who had declared absolute victory over all evil, has pleaded to the Father with his life, to bless her and protect her from all harm.

That is why she lives today, with joy.
That is why she is able to smile and encourage others who are experiencing a dark storm.
That is why she is able to stand firm, even when the waves try to wash over her and pull her into the dark, swirling, waters.
That is why she will not fall, she will not break, she will not be shaken by the powers of the world.
Even when the world seems to consume her, the Lord promised to take her back, to deliver her from sin, and comfort her and heal her.
The Lord promised her that He will never, NEVER, EVER leave her side. No matter what state she is in. No matter how the world views her, no matter how many times she’s turned away from Him.

The Lord Jesus Christ continues to plead to the Heavenly Father to protect me, strengthen me, and pull me back into the Arms of the King.
That is why I live today with utter humility and joy. Hand in hand with an overwhelming Peace that heals my heart that suffered from sin.

His Almighty grace- that is why I am able to move on.
I am moving on.

By grace, I am taking a step into a new life, today.
By His almighty grace, I am moving on, moving forward.
Out of the life of darkness, into life under the light of Jesus Christ.