The journey of prayer #3 "The proneness to pride"

This is the third article on my prayer journey during the quarantine. During this journey of rediscovering the importance of being connected to God through prayer, I have also been using a devotional book to explain the Word and the application of the Word. This devotional book is a classic and was given to me by one of the pastors in my church when I became a member last December (which was actually really surprising, but that's another story!). 

"My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers has encouraged me to want to learn about God more and more, and to rethink how the gospel, how the Scripture could be applied in real life... which makes reading the Bible more exciting, in my opinion...! 

Anyways, prayer. At the beginning of the quarantine, God had led me to turn to Him in prayer, especially for my nonbeliever friends. He had provided all the platforms necessary for me to ask my friends how I can pray for them. He had given me the courage and motivation to overcome the fear of being looked "too holy" or "too Christian". This experience taught me to realize that God provides everything we need, and all we have to do it to take the leap of faith. It taught me that prayer is at the core of the life of a believer. 

Soon after, asking for prayer requests to friends, whether on video calls or chats, became my daily habit and it was just so exciting. I was full of motivation and energy, joy and satisfaction praying for my friends. Until then, my daily quiet time and time of prayer had been full of personal desires and complaints against God. Praying for others, however, seemed to shift the focus away from myself and onto others, which made me care less about myself. It felt so good to not have my mind constantly caught in my own problems...and praying for others felt GOOD. 

It didn't take me long to take pride in my "good, Christian self", the "holy" and "faithful" self. It made me proud of myself for being such a good friend, and a neighbor. Oh, the tricky thing is, that the things that make us most prideful are the things that are fundamentally 'good'. I am so prone to pride, probably more than most people... it just feels like, everything I do, whether it's good or bad, right or wrong, it makes me prideful. 

Pride makes me blind. It makes me lose sight of my own stupid, pitiful self. 

I was calling my closest Christian girlfriends one night and told them this new exciting challenge I've been doing called asking friends for prayer requests and praying for them. If I think about it, this should be a normal thing for believers to do, and nothing that I should or could be proud of. But I was. At first, I was just sharing about my recent life, but then right after the words came out of my mouth, I felt great about myself. I felt pride quickly growing and exploding in my heart. 

The Lord, however, has proven His faithfulness to me, even when I was helplessly drunk on myself. 

After the video call ended, I felt a terrible feeling of shame in my heart. It was so big that I just had to fall before Him and pray. This shame from pride was so heavy I could not bear it on my own. I prayed and asked God to break this pride and to take away this shame. I saw myself crucifying Jesus on the cross once more, as Jesus bore all my shame for my sin of pride. Every time I fall into sin, the shame and guilt become unbearable, and I turn to God for forgiveness. Every time I fall before him, I see myself crucifying Jesus with my own bare hands. 

It's easy for us to repeat the same sin, thinking that "Meh, God will forgive us even if we sin". I used to (and sadly, still do sometimes) think like that too. I used to take God's mercy for granted. But the beauty of mercy is, that it is made new every day. It's not just in His character to show mercy but it's an active decision. God is so faithful to us that he remembers His promise that He will forgive us when we come to Him in repentance. 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."         (Lamentations 3:22-23)

The sin of pride is something I've been struggling with my whole life (along with so many other sins)... but I believe that there is hope. I believe in God's faithfulness in promising me that I am made NEW. That I am a new creation in Him, and no matter how much I fail, He will change me from the inside out when I return to Him. And I don't want to take that mercy, His mercy for granted. I want to become aware of the Holy Spirit's nudges to choose to obey Him and live according to His will. I want to constantly turn to Him in all areas of life. Here is an encouraging passage; a passage to all sinners who are tempted every day and are repeatedly pushed down onto the floor with the strike of shame and guilt (like me!). 

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you cannot bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) 

To whoever is reading this, I just want to declare this truth: God is faithful. 

After going before the Lord in repentance, He had shown me a practical way to avoid falling into pride from doing something good. God showed me a way out so that I may endure through this temptation and overcome it. God is so merciful... He has shown me through the example of the Lord's Prayer, which begins with, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." As I pray for my friends, I just ask God to take away all the glory from me, to take away all the credit, and let me be nothing but He be my everything. I ask Him for His will to be done, and not mine. 

I don't know how to put it in words, but whenever I pray for God to receive all the glory and the praise, whenever I ask God to be my everything, there is peace in my heart. It just feels like everything is in the right place. God is GOD, and He deserves all the glory and all the praise. The Holy Spirit is always nudging us to return God all the glory, and when we do that, there is peace. The only thing that we can ever boast about is written in Jeremiah. 

"Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 9:23-24)

The one thing we can boast about is that we know him. That we know that God is the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness. I hope and pray that today, we may be able to return all glory to Him in everything we do and to experience the peace of God that takes over our hearts and fills us with joy...!