The journey of prayer #1 "The deep anguish of Love"

It's been almost three months since quarantine, and it seems like the pandemic is finally leaning towards wrapping up its journey. This time of separation and isolation has taught me so many things. Who would've thought that staying home and basically having nothing to do could teach me so many lessons...!? Here is another realization of how great God is, and how merciful He is. He never withholds his mercy from us, even when the world seems to be falling apart. 

Since I had so much time (the time I used to spend on working and worrying and rushing to places doing a lot of pointless things before quarantine) I was able to spend more quiet and calm time with God. Right before quarantine, I was blessed to have so many rich conversations with so many friends sharing about faith and God. Like, no joke, God gave me so many opportunities for fellowship. 

And I was missing this so much. 

Quarantine had taken away the opportunities to spend time and share about Jesus with people, face to face. And this has left me feeling so purposeless, so meaningless, and just so... weak. But one day as I was looking through YouTube suggested videos, I came across a sermon by Francis Chan, about humility, and one thing drew my attention. It was Jesus' deep anguish of love. 

Jesus' deep, unceasing anguish of love for man, it was so great that it hurt Him. Jesus' heart hurt for love when He saw the people around Him because he knew and was worried about their eternal destiny. Through this sermon, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the times I've also felt the deep anguish of love for my nonbeliever friends. I remembered how in my first year of college, I would remember my new friends in prayer and pray for their salvation in tears. I remembered when I went to Bangladesh on a mission trip at fifteen, when the seven of us gathered and hid up in a tiny room because of the heavy persecution against Christianity. We gathered and prayed all day with tears for the salvation of the people in Bangladesh.

I realized that even though I cannot physically meet my friends and talk to them about Jesus in person, I could pray for them. The deep anguish of love was something that I never had before I met Jesus, but was and is being created in me by the Holy Spirit. This was also a reminder for me, that the Holy Spirit is REALLY with me, in me, and nudging me towards obeying God in the smallest things in life; speaking to me through my conscience, people, the Bible, and just so many things in everyday life. Although I keep failing, the more I recognize Him in my life, the more I feel connected to Him and realize that He is my friend, my closest friend. 

The past few months felt like a journey, a journey discovering the power of prayer. This quarantine has taught me to pray for my friends, not because I want to feel good about myself, but because of the deep anguish of love that Jesus planted in my heart through His own example. Jesus hurt for us in love, even to the point of His death, and resurrected from death. Jesus accomplished something we would never be able to do but by his mercy, Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit to create in us a new heart like His own. By his mercy, we are able to also experience the deep anguish of love for our neighbors. What a gift, what an amazing grace. 

Finally, here's a verse that really challenged me, blessed me, and motivated me through quarantine.  

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)