No more faking yourself?

I am in a dark place for long time.I can't do it anymore.I am extremely exausted.
No hope, no justice.
Fake shallow people everywhere. When i see cool real people, that's quite rare and they don't stay with me longer.
I've tried everything what i've could done.I just feel numb.I don't feel nothing but pain.
Sleeping pills don't work and that can't be solution.I am despartely craving emotional human connection.
But i can't reach to people, this breaks my heart.
"You can't google people's feelings"
True.
And i must add you can't flnd answers of Life.

Althgou all of us doing that.I'm tired of acting like stupid, silly, funny..it's killing me to faking myself every single day.When i am laughing, my heart is screaming.
HELP.
Ik ik. "NOBODY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.JUST SAVE YOUR ASS."
I've been told.
So i can entertainment myself because noone cares scars or tears behind the smile.
They just wanna see what they wanna see.
So what's the point if you can't being just you.

And society and people tell you, just be yourself.
But if you don't know who you are anymore..??What would you do then?
Just keep surving in a same track?
There's no other way.Trust me.
That was just burden to me and it destroyed my body and soul to pieces.So i can tell i am  kinda dead person..
Half alive half dead ever since that day.

I just need something real.
I need someone who makes me feel alvie and "I am their NEEDS."