When I returned to the US after a short stay in Japan, I could not face reality and sought solace in Chinese fantasy period dramas.

In late October 2023, I visited Japan for the first time in five years. I live in a college town in the Midwestern United States. Before the COVID-19 outbreak, I visited Japan every other year. However, due to the global lockdown, I had to wait until all COVID-19-related border restrictions were lifted.

I coordinated the trip to Tokyo with a former college classmate who now lives in France. We stayed in the same hotel for five nights and caught up with old friends from school over drinks. It was fun to joke around in our native language. Being able to enjoy meals with our families was a special experience. I also had the opportunity to visit the mountains and beaches with other friends. Exploring both the beaches and mountains in such a short period was truly amazing. It's something that people living in the Midwest could never do. Where I live, the closest beaches or mountains are more than twelve hours drive.

I returned to the Midwest after enjoying two fun weeks in Tokyo. Instead of the ocean or mountains, all I could see were corn fields stretching to the horizon. The sight of the endless farmland made me feel down. Adjusting back to the quiet daily life, working remotely from home without meeting anyone took a toll on my physical and mental health. By the end of November, I realized that if I continued like this, I would fall into a state of depression. I wish I had engaged in some physical exercise to recover, but I missed the opportunity and continued to spiral into depression.

Roughly that time, for some reason, video clips of Chinese historical dramas started appearing on my YouTube account. The titles of these short videos were strange like, "The lonely emperor turned into a jealous lover, embracing the heroine in public and declaring his superiority" or "The heroine, who had been neglected for 140,000 years, finally puts an end to the relationship today." I thought, "What does that mean?" and clicked on them. Each clip seemed to be a cut-out scene from different dramas and given arbitrary titles. I looked for the original dramas and discovered the dazzling world of Chinese fantasy period dramas.

Looking back, I feel fortunate that the first drama I watched was the popular show "Eternal Love." The storyline was captivating, and the cast, filled with handsome men and beautiful women, made the show even more appealing. The gods and immortals in the drama would gracefully ascend into the sky when they exited a scene, living for tens of thousands of years in the stories. This world was entirely different from my real life in America, where I was struggling with depression. Since I didn't understand Chinese, I had to focus on the subtitles. However, while watching Chinese dramas, I didn't feel depressed or anxious. I was wholly engrossed in the fantasy world of these period dramas. I ended up binge-watching these dramas as a complete escape from reality.

I have been watching videos on YouTube with the audio in Chinese and the subtitles in English or Japanese. I've been keeping a record of the dramas I watched, including the titles and the names of the actors in English, Chinese, and Japanese, as well as the total number of episodes per season on a Google Sheet. From December to February (within three months), I've watched 1,333 episodes of 37 dramas. Each episode is 30 to 40 minutes long, but if you skip the opening and ending, each episode is about 25 to 30 minutes long. I'm surprised at how many episodes I've watched and I'm aware that it's unusual. When I talked to a friend about it, she said, "There are times like that in our life. Winter here is cold and dark, so something as simple as watching a drama is much better than drinking lots of alcohol." I felt a little relieved after I heard it.

I've been struggling with insomnia, which started getting worse in December. It reached its worst point in January when I only got 2.5 hours of sleep daily. Sometimes, I would crush and get about 5 hours of sleep once every few days. In February, my sleep time increased slightly to 3 hours a day, and in March, it increased to 3.5 hours. In May, I still have trouble with early awakening type insomnia. So, right now, at 2 a.m., I'm watching a Chinese drama in bed.