Impressions of two months parental leave

An English post of this article.

【プレビュー】育休を2ヶ月経験した感想｜Tatsuya Kono｜note

Last time I posted about my reasons for taking long term parental leave, so this time I will write about my impressions of my two months parental leave experience. The picture on the header is me fussing with my child while writing this note. (drawn by my wife)

Pros

My wife and I can share and reduce the load of childcare

The first good thing is that my wife and I can distribute the workload, which is also the reason why I took parental leave. This has been very effective so far, as I hoped it would be, and each of us has been able to have some me time. A female friend of mine who is on parental leave and taking care of her child alone says, "It's hard because I don't have time for myself. I can't even go to hair salon. My wife, on the other hand, goes to physical therapy to take care of her body damaged by the birth of our baby, and occasionally goes to a cafe to refresh herself. Even so, there are many difficult factors involved in raising a child and it can be hard at times, but we are both able to maintain mental stability in our lives, and I am truly glad that we both took the parental leave.

We share and understand each other's feelings

By each couple being in the same situation, we have been able to build a relationship where we can share and understand each other's problems. This is something I had not expected before my parental leave, but I feel that we are on the same page as a family. If a couple divides their roles between work and childcare, they may not completely understand each other, and they should be careful not to accumulate stress among themselves.

I can watch my child grow 24/7

I am able to watch my child grow every day. He grew drastically just in two months from the wrinkled and skinny newborn baby to the 6kg boy whose skin is smooth and plump. I feel attached to my child and feel more like a parent when I take care of him every day, and when I see him sleeping on my lap or in my arms, I feel adorable. If I had not taken parental leave and worked from morning to night, doing housework and taking care of my child in my spare time, I would have been stressed, and I honestly doubt that I would have become so attached to my child.

Cons

While there have been good things, there have also been hard things, of course. This is the hard part of childcare rather than parental leave.

I am not productive

Every task of childcare is honestly not a big deal, but a series of simple tasks that anyone can do once they get used to it. Changing diapers, making milk, soothing a baby when he cries, giving him a bath, applying moisturizing cream, changing his clothes, and so on. However, the fact that these tasks occur irregularly around the clock, and in some cases frequently, increases the workload of childcare: changing three diapers in one hour, taking 20 minutes to feed a baby, and then vomiting milk and have him change his clothes. As a result, time spent outside of childcare is fragmented, and we don't have a lot of time to spend on anything else. I am exhausted from trying to complete household chores in the small amount of time I have, and in free time I could manage to secure it ends up being used for mental recovery by watching videos and social media. The most productive time I've had in the past two months is now writing this note.

Poor sleep and poor condition

Before I started childcare, I used to sleep 8 hours every night, but now I sleep only 5 to 6 hours. In that sleeping hours, my child is often crying in a next room. As a result of the reduced quantity and quality of sleep, my immune system has been compromised, and about once a month I have a fever or catch an infection that I normally would not catch.

Feeling left behind in society

As a result of this lifestyle of parental leave for two months, I have no opportunity to utilize the skills I have developed, and I sometimes feel that my brain has weaken. (I even forgot my Mac shortcuts when I booted up it for the first time in a while to write my last article...) In the meantime, the world is moving forward, generative AI is coming into vogue, and new ways to utilize it are being created from time to time. I get the feeling that I am being left behind in the world and that I am not fully utilizing my abilities.

Summary

For a couple, the birth of their first child is a game changer. A baby, unable to do anything on his or her own, enters the stable life that had previously been established by independent adults. The child thus takes over all the initiative in the family. It is also true that the couple may feel confused and bitter about the big change, even though it is a situation that they themselves have wanted. I am glad from the bottom of my heart that my wife and I are in a situation where we can work together to deal with such a big change. I hope that we will grow together with our child and gradually increase what we can do and what we can afford to do in order to get a comfortable life.