Bury me at Makeout creek

Kms.That's what I wanted for years. I wanted to end it all but couldn't . Years passed. Five already. Until my fourteen's , I wanted to kms. Listening to Mitski, Rebzyyx, Mother Mother , y'know , those songs that only weirdos listen to. I used to slit my wrists everyday , even though they were mostly cat scratches and baby styros . Self- harm was the only fun thing to do back in those days. Cutting my thighs and wrists, choking myself, making bruises, trying to make myself throw up , etc. I remember drinking only Monsters and vaping in front of my school. It wasn't so fun yet, I'm in love with those days. The worst yet best years of my life.

Since I've come to Japan , I've changed. Not in the way I wanted , unfortunately. I am , in fact , happier here . I'm not as stressed as I used to be, but it feels so wrong. I still wanna kill myself , don't get me wrong , but it's not in the way I used to. I used to blindly believe that when my life will end , Mitski and those weird artists gonna be played at my end roll. But what now? I think it'll be those Japanese shoegaze artists. Sigh, I didn't want to come here. I don't belong here. Please take me back to where I belong. There's no way I can live here without committing suicide. I wanna commit. Oh , but I can't alone . I want you to be next to me. Shall we commit a double suicide? Yes , I'm flirting. Y'all won't understand me for sure . No need to. I'm just in love. And I wanna die for love. Oh please, lord , don't leave me here . Take me back to those years where I was depressed yet so fulfilled with a will to live.