2024 Reflection

Seeing people on social media sharing their colorful events in 2024, I cannot help closing the app silently with a sigh. My 2024 has been a tough one despite having some amazing experiences. Confusion, disappointment and loss are the words that come to mind when I look back.

But the past year, I believe, was the year I needed. Never have I tried to know myself in multiple aspects as deeply as 2024, and there were many things I newly learned about myself. Now I know more clearly what I want, but I don't know the path to get there. I sometimes feel abandoned that I am not getting what I tried to get. 

One of the biggest decisions I made in 2024 is to pursue what I want, not in every aspect of my life, but at least in one or two. I know I am someone who can go straight into the thing when what I truly want is in front of me. At such moments, I don't hesitate - I know instinctively that is the one. And it almost always turns out to be true. That's how I live, that's who I am and that's how life treats me. 

When it comes to aspects that I do not have enough confidence about, however, there is always a confusion. Decisions I made at such times often end up being helpful and give me guidance to the future, but leave something that is unsolved. They are just stepping stones to the ultimate stage.

In order to obtain something I am sure of, I first need to work on my own confidence in that area. That's the task I have right now, which is not easy at all. I am struggling a lot. I am trying but with failures, a sense of abandonment, and lots of confusion. Simultaneously, I know that this is the only way to reach where I want to. I know I have to go through this phase of working hard even when I do not see much progress immediately.

I want to be who I truly am and live like that. That is what I strongly felt and decided on in 2024. I don't know how this will come out, which really scares me. I feel like I am stepping into a cliff where there is no returning back. But I know deep in my heart that I won't be able to become who I want to be without overcoming this fear and keeping moving forward.  

What will 2025 bring to me? Probably something I cannot imagine now. I hope I will be more confident about myself, the decisions I am making and my life itself by the end of the year.

"In life, you need to overcome your fears - that is the way to happiness"