Diary in English 2024/9/18

I'm beginning to read the book "Sinners" of Amy Yamada now, I was afraid of reading this book because it is about child abuse. It's too hard to read for me, but I thought I can try.

I left my two kids away when I divorced 30 years ago, they were brought up by their father, and mother-in-law.
After that, I married two times and also divorced. I was too young to raise them up alone, only 20 years old. It's just excuse. But I thought ex-husband can raise them alone, because he always does well everything. And I didn't know the mother-in-law abused them. I imagined they felt like be abandoned both of parents, first by their mother, next by their father.
I have no word to apologize, any. But, I am truly sorry.
My kids are alive and healthy, which is a big difference from the novel. But surely I am here, on these pages, as the mother, as the grand mother and as the children.
All I could tell you is I was in a maltreatment.

Very hard for my heart to continue reading, but my finger never stop turning the pages.