表現方法を学びたいこと~未完の考え

I was reading a manga that showed me a lot of things I felt understood by. I don't know how to express it. Maybe that's the wrong description.
I recognized some abstract situations that I can understand pretty well. Maybe I interpret a lot due to my experiences.

Its out of context, but I also found myself liking the idea of talking to someone about the manga, who can understand what it evokes in me. I don't like if the person is too brief interpreting something like the manga as well.
I like to have someone that thinks in a similar manner than me. This makes me think of my boyfriend I had for two years when I was 15. We were thinking similarly.

Why do people miss understand? What people do I like? What makes someone scared enough that he cant say it? Are others often overreacting? I know that I am less judging than a lot of people, probably, but…How can the world function with so many denials through anxiety, hatred, impulse actions, reservedness and dishonesty. That's probably why never anything will work out for me. I don't understand and I simply can't copy the behavior and way of thinking good enough. Even though I think I got really good at adapting. Especially if I remember how I was as a child.

I like that (as far as I experienced) Japanese are often more likely to be quiet about anything. Other people might be more offensive often times.
I don't know what I better like. I have a hard time to tell if someone is not willing to think about it, is not capable of thinking or does not care (but that happened not only with (quiet) Japanese). I don't like what people I attracted so far and I don't like what personalities I was interested in. I hurt myself often by caring about them.
The only thing I seemed to learn is, that I need someone who is capable of keeping me motivated. Also someone, who does not hurt me by not taking initiative. I get easily upset if I know the other one is not is interested in (caring for) me as I am in them. I always want to be better than just satisfy his expectations.
I often wonder if I will ever find someone that is interesting enough for me to give me strength, is not totally dense and can be self dependent too
(my ex boyfriend was definitely too dependent on me which was very hurtful for both of us).

I am happy if someone shares the positive emotions I have while listening to certain songs… the redrawing of the AI image of my selfie was fun. Why cant I deal with a lot of woman? I usually say a lot of them are just too superficial, but that is not really true. I wonder…

I think I craved to be understood since I was little. I often gave so much for people that I thought that might be able to understand me.
The manga shows my flaws as well as some of the flaws of the kind of people I usually interact with.
I know a lot of "different" personalities (extroverts, easy going people) too, but they don't get me interested that deep.
I love to solve problems, I love to self reflect with others on me and them. Its the most interesting thing for me. Why am I like that. I hate it.

When is interest love?
I often asked me that question. I don't know. I don't think I am capable to love somebody. I can only care for somebody, be interested and be attracted to their appearance (I just recently discovered the last).
I want to find answers. Its hilarious that I started to wonder about it over a manga. I used to keep it in an unopened box.
Maybe I don't want to be alone anymore. I feel insecure with myself because I lost the reason to fight for anything. Its bad that I look for motivation in a person. That's really bad.

Especially because I want to translate this text sometimes, I wonder when I got that good in English. How did I do this? I would like to do it similarly with Japanese, because I didn't study to learn English in the first point. I am too stressed about studying that I can't remember anything. I usually can only remember something that it not for the purpose of study. I would like to change this too.

I need to work a lot on myself, but for what purpose? I don't think I will ever be satisfied with myself. Maybe that is why I look for somebody else that is satisfied with my development and my believes.