2023/03/29 English

BGM: 井上陽水 - 最後のニュース

Today I worked late. This morning I went to the library and borrowed a few books of essays by Koutaro Sawaki. I read one of these books, "Bourbon Street", a little. I was attracted by an essay "Strange 'washi'". This essay is about various stereotype expressions in sport papers. I felt this is a really critical one because I am also using various stereotypes automatically and easily. And I thought about I am having many stereotypes or bias. I remember that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie also talked about this kind of stereotype as "The danger of a single story". I have to look at the reality actually, and trust what I watch by these eyes. I shouldn't use the expressions from stereotypes which go around this world. I have to remember this.

What was/were the bias or stereotypes I believed? For example, I once strictly believed that the people who can speak English fluently must be cool. I even treated myself who couldn't speak English even if I had learned it for over many years an idiot, and also blamed terribly. Now, this bias itself is foolish for me. Or once I thought about the fact that I am autistic as a troublesome essence, and believed that I should live a miserable life until death. Or because of alcohol addiction I have to live this life without any drinking (but now I believe that the life without drinking would be happier for me). These pieces of stereotypes let me not to see how the fact can be. I can't deny that I am still believing same kind of stereotypes (I might not notice about them). This idea brings me to think I am never perfect.

Reading the tweet about autism by another user, I think about the pressure which the label "autism" can cause. As you know, now we can talk about "autism" by the concept of "autism spectrum". Our brains can have really differences, and some of the characters are called by autism because they are too much from other brains. In short, we have to consider that the fact "our brains have a certain differences from each other". If we talked that "we are autistic", then it could work that our brains should be divided into two species as "neurotypical" and "autistic", therefore it could make the gap between them deeper. Accepting the diversity, and open our minds into humanism which says everyone should be treated as a precious person.

I read "Bourbon Street" steadily. This collection of essays has really cool ones so I could get some clues to write about in this diary. This evening I talked with a user on Facebook. She asked me that how have I lived my life. Before being diagnosed as an autistic person in 2007, or before starting the life in my group home... I had thought that I must be an adult at that period, but actually I was a parasite to my parents (and I denied that fact, being an active user on the net only). Every day I drank, and did nothing creative... That kind of my poor life would become a clue to her. Or the readers of this diary could get something from my writings. I hope so.