2023/05/03 English

BGM: The Auteurs - Lenny Valentino

Today was a day off I have waited for its arriving for a long time. It was quite a fine day, a perfect one to go to enjoy outdoor. The morning I went to Saijosan Kouen. Riding on my bike to the mountain's foot, and I walked into there. And I found it was a really "another world". I was attracted by green maple leaves. There were really splendid blue ones. I was a sad person because I couldn't stop listening to some music even if the situation was like this. I started listening to Boards Of Canada's "Music Has The Right To Children" and opened my memo pad to write various ideas. The nature robbed my precious words. Although I tried to say something proper with facing to this nature, I was just impressed by its dynamism so no idea came on the surface of my consciousness. Therefore I just enjoyed Boards Of Canada, and thought like "this world, this real is based on '3D'". That was all. Yes, I was surrounded by the rich and marvelous maple leaves' greenery even though I looked forward or backward. That greenery made my head calm, and let me free from any jail of my desire or conceptual ideas.

Ah, Boards Of Canada's music is really splendid... although I have enjoyed their music a lot, but this situation lets me find another aspect of it. My head moved recklessly, and tried to share this beautiful scenery with my precious friends. So I couldn't stay idle or empty my head. I was really possessed by worries and desires... I took three pics of that nature, and shared them on Discord, MeWe, and LINE. In this era, this global real world are already covered by the internet. I got the fact that the network between people "rules" everything. I got some reactions from my friends like "Like!", and those made me pleasant. Self-esteem? I exactly thought that I would come to this mountain again if I had another chance again. Like the nature Kazushi Hosaka, a Japanese novelist, describes in his novels, I might have to do practice of describing this nature by my words. Because my words I am having are really too poor to describe it fully.

And... I remembered the words Yoshimichi Nakajima, a Japanese philosopher, had quoted from Le Clézio. "I was born on this earth by chance". As a sad fact (at least, it "can be" sad), I was born on this planet by chance. No meaning in that fact. Just a result of the love and connection of my parents. But the nature makes my mind move, and think a lot of things (or take my words away). This movement, this impression is for me a great "truth" of this life. Indeed, today is a fine day but rain will fall again someday, and summer comes quickly. And this planet go round, the season changes. I went down from the mountain to the town, and had my hair cut at a "1000 yen" barber. Returning to my group home, I read Le Clézio's book a little again, and got dazed by its rich and marvelous content. I would like to read Le Clézio more and more... Ah, I am getting great and exact ideas or plans about reading next to next. What a sad person I am. What did I learn from that rich nature!? I am just an idiot.

After taking a nap, I read Junichiro Tanizaki's "Naomi". If I translate this novel's original title, it could be "the love of an idiot" or "the love of idiots" (I heard that the title of English translation is just "Naomi"). In a Japanese title literally, we can't judge the "idiot" or "idiots" can be just only Jyouji, a main character, or also Naomi who teases that poor Jyouji by her rich figure and wisdom like a demon. Although the title contains the word "love", I judge this affection of Jyouji to Naomi as an "addicted mind". Jyouji can't live or stay calm without Naomi. That reminds me of my past days because once I couldn't be square without alcohol. It might be interesting to try to read "Naomi" to learn what the addicted mind can be. Today I was taught that there must be about one million people who exactly has suffered minds from alcohol. And many of them can't connect them with any self-help groups like our "danshu" meeting, but just live with suffering without spending their life with sober minds. They finally can't "overcome" their addiction. I am now able to live this life without alcohol (of course, although I am never free from addiction), then that fact says I am a truly lucky person. I feel thankful for that fact.