2023/04/14 English

BGM: Seiji Toda - Slow Ballad

Today I worked late. This morning, in my room I thought a strange idea as usual. If I would die today... that kind of idea often comes from somewhere and swallows me. I can't escape from it easily. How would this life end? That disturbs me to do anything actively. But I go out from that room to Aeon to buy something. Then, when I pass through the gate of AEON, another personality in me starts working and lets me think quite a different idea. I go to the food court and start reading Haruki Murakami's new one "The City and Its Uncertain Walls" again. I exactly feel that my body gets nervous when I open this book. How will this book change my emotion? It it is just a crap...
but it's OK. I shouldn't be afraid. It was 30 years ago when I read his book at the first time. I must have gotten stronger from that point. I enjoy Hammock's music on Spotify and read it.

At last, I read the first part of "The City and Its Uncertain Walls". Of course, I shouldn't judge anything about this book now. I have to read it completely. But I want to write the current idea I have. This book's setting is almost the same as "Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World", but it is never just a copy or recreating of it. It is not from his "conservative" mind. His vivid imagination works very well, and the impression of the first part reminded me of Paul Auster's "In The Country of The Last Things" or Steve Erickson's great ones (of course, Haruki shows his originality so it's not a copy of them). I certainly feel that it is wonderful. Where does it take me to? I am a fast reader. I read books very rapidly. But I want to enjoy it step by step. His writing is really matured.

I guess that this "The City and Its Uncertain Walls" is difficult to be translated into English. Haruki uses two forms of the first person at least. They are "boku" and "watashi". If we use two "first person", orthodoxically we imagine that two people use them. One person uses "boku" and another person uses "watashi". Or, it can be imagined that two personalities in one person use both of them. Anyway, there must be two subjects. Then, who is using these two subjects? Who is the narrator? Translating it into English, it can be unclear if we used "boku" and "watashi" as "I". In a way, this book is asking for the possibility of Japanese language by using its function fully? Haruki is often said as he has been influenced by American literature. Then, he is trying to escape that gravity?

I go into the workplace. Then, that idea I thought this morning disappears. Today I met a job coach as my work. I confessed my problems at the workplace. I can feel that it is becoming easier to work because the problems are being solved like this. Yes, I feel thankful for it. She gave me some advice about my money management. At break time, I thought I want to make a playlist for "The City and Its Uncertain Walls" on Spotify. What music will suit for this wonderful book? I would suggest Radiohead and World's End Girlfriend. Seiji Toda, Underworld, Aphex Twin... My activity of listening to music randomly is working as this. Life is really wonderful.