2023/01/25 English

BGM: 核P-MODEL - Big Brother

In the morning I woke up and found the brilliant snow country. As every morning's duty, I went to Lawson, bought a bottle of coffee, and wrote this diary with that coffee. On Facebook, I watched various friends' pics of snowing. It seems that my friends who are connected with me in the real world experienced snowing a lot. Although it was a day off for me, this heavy snow seemed to distort my instinct so I couldn't read any books. I just chatted with my friends on Discord, and also slept again. Suddenly I thought about learning "fresh" English through this kind of chatting. Is it good or bad? Actually, I met a slang "asf" so started thinking that.

Although it might be a clear fact, learning English is not a "room" study. A Japanese legendary writer Shuji Terayama said "Throw the books away, go to the town" (it is embarrassing but I have never read him). He is right because we have to go outside and talk to learn English. But that kind of communication might bring you some bad events. You might be said the terrible word "f*ck" which would be never taught by teachers, or clearly, people laugh at your awkward English speaking. Yes, we can say "endure" to that cases, and we might need that toughness to keep on learning. But I thought that getting tough like that would lose something important. I remember Tao Pai Pai from "Dragon Ball".

This afternoon I could do nothing therefore spent my time loosely. Today would be a totally wasted one, but this snow was the one that harmed my day... Thinking that accidentally I remembered I had never read the book "1984" by George Orwell which I had bought once. I bought this because it had been a bestseller in Japan, but I never felt I wanted to enjoy it. But this reading impressed me a lot. It was really fresh. Of course, we can enjoy it as the one predicting the current situation. But I accepted this book as criticizing my policy of life I believed. Quoting Kafka, I try to describe that policy as "Help the world if I and the world would battle".

You might think that it is enigmatic. In short, I thought that "Change me if I have any complaint in this world". In other words, I would never be able to change the situation without moving myself and complaining to others. So I change my lifestyle with the trial of quitting alcohol and living every day steadily. But in "1984", the characters try to adapt themselves to the total nonsense of "2+2=5", and finally started to obey Big Brother. It is quite grotesque scenery, and also told me that I could make a fatal mistake. But then how could I do? I am actually writing my diary as Winston Smith. Leaving the facts I have felt with this skin every day. That would be a tiny resistance against that situation. Although I have never imagined that my action could be.