Secret Diary project

Hi there, 

This is Shannon. I'm pretty sure that no one knows me and that's fine. 

Let me introduce myself first. 

Hello again. I'm Shannon Syers. I'm neither English nor Japanese. I'm not gonna tell you about my ethnicity and my gender. But I am studying these languages now. There will be grammatical mistakes. So please bear with it. 

Here, I purely just wanted to keep my little secret diary.

It might be a bit awkward for some of you, because it sounds like you are looking or sneaking into a private space. But this is a project for me trying to speak up in my tinny diary. 

This project might fail. Or might be successful. We still don't know. 

Perhaps, it might be good to start off with my interest. 

'I, as a human being, is constructed by others.'

This phrase is one of the beliefs that I have. I've been researching about the self/individual for about 3 years and I ended up with this answer. This phrase often hurts me. Although I have my own self or ego, but this was only build up by the environment I've been grown up and the experiences that I've had. We cannot choose the language when we were born. We were thrown away straight to a space-like environment. To survive a space-like environment, the first thing we learn is to speak their language. or actually it could be body language. But the interesting point is that the effect from outside strongly creates the characteristic of the self. When you learned the language, then you are already influenced by the culture, rules and common senses. There is a theory that I cannot remember, but it was something like this; in the situation of interviewing or meeting gf's/bf's parents, people try to fit in to the form of normal. In this case, it will be wearing suit and having natural hair colour with light makeup. This way, you are acting to make others to give different impression rather than you truly are. I do agree with the idea of giving a nice impression to others, of course. But it also brings me a question of where the true self has gone. We are at the era that we could express a lot more than before such as gender identity. Although the era is making people to express themselves easier, the power construction or power pyramid doesn't seem to be changed much. Like, the globalisation is almost like a developed version of totalitarianism. (And in fact, these isms are really close to each other.) It is really weird to see how the true self is concealed and the true freedom is gone inside our soul. 

Maybe this is the reason why I started this diary.