出る杭は打たれるものなのか。文化の摩擦と自己表現

出張中、疲れが溜まるとその地の日本食はどんなものかお手並み拝見したくなって、1人で行くことが多い。テキサスのラーメン屋さんで、出る杭は打たれる、知らぬが仏、一蓮托生という熟語が壁画に含まれていた。日本文化を表す秀逸なワードチョイスだなと感心した。

1年近く外国に住んでいるうちに、英語を話す自分の方がより寛容で優しい気がしてきた。知らない人でも目が合えば微笑むし、別れるときは「have a nice day」と言い、寒い季節にはメールの文末に「stay warm」と無意識に書いている。金曜日には「have a great weekend」と書くことが多い。
一方日本語を話す/書くときは、余計なコメントを削り、メッセージを丁寧に伝えることに時間をかけている。

「ニューヨークは住みにくいが生きやすく、東京は住みやすいが生きにくい」という書き込みを見たとき、妙に納得した気がした。この視点について今日は考えてみたい。
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Living in a foreign country is always somewhat difficult. It takes time to adjust your standards to their standards. Yet, I kind of like it because it gives me perspectives and experiences I simply don’t get if I stayed in Tokyo my whole life. It’s similar to how I feel about traveling.

In my experience, the more diverse the city is, the easier it is to make adjustments. That is probably why I feel almost at home here despite not living here for long.

Growing up, I lived in three different countries because of my parent’s job. It was tough, as it often felt like I lost friends each time I moved, having to restart. I envied those with childhood friends, as I didn’t really have one. However, this experience taught me at a young age that there are numerous perspectives on every situation. Just because I see things one way doesn’t mean my friends do.

I lived in New York as a baby and spent my middle school years in London. After that, I grew up in Tokyo until relocating to New York for work last year. Reflecting on this, my return to Japan often meant ensuring I behaved in a way that didn’t make me stand out too much. It felt as if I hid my English-speaking abilities until it was unavoidable. I appreciate the high-context, organized, and polite nature of Japanese culture, yet it frustrates me when there's an expectation to conform to specific behaviors or face silent judgment.

In contrast, adjusting to life in London or New York has been about ensuring I express myself enough to be understood. Here, the culture seems to be: advocate for what you want rather than waiting for it to come to you.(More so in New York than in London.) I acknowledge that it is not the case for everyone here, I was surprised when someone changed her nail color over five times until it felt right. I admire her for her confidence….

Communicating here feels almost easier because people are generally open about their thoughts, leading to less judgment. (When it comes to intense negotiations we are all reading between the lines regardless of nationalities so that is different.)
This openness allows me to express myself comfortably, though it can sometimes be exhausting to explain myself repeatedly when all I want is to rest.

I know I’ve oversimplified both sides, and there’s more complexity involved, but that’s my general feeling. I don’t have a favorite side of me yet, but I’m grateful that my job allows me to travel and reflect on these new insights.