the person who changed my life

as is said in the famous quote:
"people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime",
every person that i have met changed me in one way or the other, and i am so thankful for the people that have had a positive impact on my life. but every rose has its thorns, so i also have to accept that some taught me lessons that hurt. anyway, todays title is "the person who changed my life". 

before studying abroad and meeting this person, i had found it so difficult to talk about myself. To be honest, i dont think i was ever talking about myself. i found it hard to continue conversations because whenever someone was nice enough to ask about myself, i would just answer in a somewhat short sentence. i later realized that this was (possibly) because of a decently close friend i had in high school, who didnt express interest and gave zero to no reaction in what i had to say. that conditioned me to not talk about myself and gave me life long trauma. anyway, i still am not the best at talking about myself but with amazing people along the way, i have managed to become accustomed to doing so. 

so this person. we only lived together for 4 months but she changed my life.
she taught me so many life lessons and values that opened my eyes to a whole another level of friendship. 
she was from (insert country), and apparently they have a culture of treating everyone like family and giving a hand to anyone that needs help. so, on the day she came to the flat, she cooked shin ramen that she brought from (insert country), but she shared it with me when i told her that ive never had it in my life. and even after that, she always always gave me a hand whenever i needed help, or even when i couldn't ask for it. for example, when we went grocery shopping she always offered to hold something of mine that i purchased because i would always, quoting her "buy the entire store". i would always say "its ok" but her answer would always be "〇〇 dont be too nice". some might even consider it bossy. but it was perfect with my too-nice-find-it-hard-to-accept-kindness personality. 
when i drank too much after clubbing and threw up on the sidewalk, she was there for me and held my hair up. she always knew that i tend to hold back, so whenever i declined an offer, like "do you want some of my potato chips?" she would always say "〇〇 i know you want to eat some dont be too nice". 

she was also a very social person meaning she was the kind of person who always wanted peoples company. every day when she came home from classes she would knock on my door calling my name asking to hang out or just talk in the kitchen. at first, i was not ready to talk to people every day and pretended to have fallen asleep but after a bit, i was waiting for that knock on the door every day. we would have different kinds of conversations in the kitchen, talking about anything from cultural differences, problematic things to deep stories along with our other roommate. i find it crazy how we talked every day for 3-4 hours but never ever got bored of the conversation.
she would also invite me to her room to study with her. i always declined her offer because i prefer to study alone but she always begged me and sometimes i would give in. as for this as well, during the last month i would voluntarily go to her room to study with her. 
as another aspect of her being a social person, she (along with our other roommate) had amazing conversation skills and was emotionally intelligent. whenever we had a conversation, no one was hogging the conversation. we asked each other questions, reacted etc. her being the most hilarious person also made the conversations so much more fun. also, since i had the habit of not talking about myself in detail, every time i answered in a short sentence, she would say "thats all your telling me?! do better 〇〇 please". she knew my tendencies and always made fun of me like that which really helped me break out of my shell. because i got so comfortable talking to her about myself and because she also gave me so much information about her life, she was the first ever person i kind of came out to. when we were discussing about our crushes, i said "there's something i wanted to tell you but i dont know if i should". and she told me "〇〇, were past that point now" and i told her. she asked me a lot of follow up questions and in the end she said "im really glad you told me" which made me smile so hard for days afterwards in my own room. it was also a fresh feeling that my roommates understood my references. they knew all of the tv shows i watched growing up, whereas in japan, only a few understand. also, one of the highlights was watching greys anatomy with her. i didnt expect to meet someone who actually watched greys, and i also didnt imagine a world where i could watch it with another person. she would say "arizona (lesbian character) is cute" or "margot robbie is pretty" and try to make me comfortable and i would agree. 

third-wheeling when her boyfriend came into town was also so much fun. her boyfriend lived in (insert city) so he would occasionally come down to (insert city) to see her. me and her were besties so she would always take me with them to their outings. they are the couple i aspire to be. they are generally lovey-dovey but they make fun of each other so much. sometimes her boyfriend and i would make fun of her and go against her together. i also watched movies in her bed with them lol. her boyfriend was so kind as well that he let me borrow his airpods max for like 3 whole days. mommy and daddy fr. 

the fact is, we were compatible even though we had different personalities. she sometimes had questionable morals, like chronically stealing lol. another point her boyfriend and i would call her out for. so she always told me that i was so pure. we complimented each other well which i think is so interesting because if we were different in any other way we would've had way too different values to have the friendship work out. towards the end she made me comfortable enough to the point that i would just take her potato chips without saying anything. 

the last huge point is that she made me actually like myself. ever since high school, i hated myself. and frankly, i still do now. especially how i look(ed). and there were also many parts of my personality that i didnt like either. when i opened up to her that i didnt think anyones ever going to fall in love with me because i am not pretty or hot whatsoever, she told me "you're so pretty", and when i told her that she didnt have to say that, she said that shes being serious. she brought up examples of people in her country, who apparently have the worst fashion sense. she even showed me a picture of her sister from a few months ago saying "i am embarrassed for her. now do you understand me?" which had me laughing my ass off. 
after that, she would often tell me that i was "so cute", and for some reason i believed her. she was a girls girl for sure, giving me confidence when i opened up my insecurities to her. personality wise, funny enough, there were traits she didnt have that i had, and it made me proud to have those traits. just before studying abroad, i was living under the fear of "am i not kind?" because there were so many people around me who were so mature and kind that i felt like i was just playing a "kind" role. but, she allowed me to realize that i am nice and that i am not just playing a role just for people to like me. 

she taught me so many things. she showed me through her actions how to care deeply about the important people around you, how to communicate, how to make someone laugh so hard. she obviously wasn't perfect but i loved her despite her flaws. i want to clarify that i was not in love with her but i know she was meant to come into my life. 
by the third month, i would occasionally cry in my room knowing that i would have to say goodbye to her (and my other roommate) and potentially never see them again. on the day of the goodbye, i cried so hard at the airport and couldn't stop crying even after i boarded my plane. i had a layover in (insert city), and even after i boarded the second plane, tears started rolling out of my eyes. moreover, even when i got back to (insert city) and started my second term, during the first week or so, when i started thinking about all of the good memories we had, tears formed in my eyes. 
recently, i think about the fun times i had with her and our other roommate because the autumn leaves and the cold weather reminds me of this time last year so much, and my heart physically hurts. a year ago, i was crying in my room at night because i would have to say goodbye to them a month later. i find it hard to believe that its already been a year.
im so thankful for destiny for bringing us together when i needed it most. 

『人は、会うべき時に会うべき人に会う。』
会うべき人には、最も良いタイミングで
必ず出会うようになっている。
それも一瞬早すぎず、一瞬遅すぎず。