mid october, (so tired), + some more thoughts on material spiritualism (and the next painting)

I just ate a shin ramen while wearing a comfy black turtleneck. making kuromame cha to pair with three baskets of laundry folding. 

feeling…so…tired…

probably partly pms, but I just feel a little anhedonic and exhausted by everything. like going through the motions but nothing is sticking. 

anyways besides that, some thoughts on the new painting…

I’m seeing a deep royal blue. paired with warm peach/pink, white, olive green like the sofa, some yellow, orange. material spiritualism. kind of like the way silk road cultures found spiritualism through materiality and physical form, ranging from dao ism and its symbolic transformations and births of spirit from nothing and different forms of matter, to architectural geometric patterns with a vanishing point adorning the ceiling of the mosque… I wonder what south asia’s version of material spiritualism would be. graffiti blending into calligraphy, meaning being morphed into textural objects… the bengali language turns into a network of channels…

an antidote to capitalism. its not so much that materialism is the issue, but the lack of intentionality with commodities? or maybe there is a kind of godliness in the replicas and replicas and replicas and wide reaching supply chains? in the gaping holes excavated deep into the earth to source these materials, there surely lies the mystique? or through tracing the source of all to other sources…

through quantum metaphysics? energetic exchanges rippling across different times and spaces because they come from the same root? in a way, building upon metal / melanin … moving beyond dichotomies of good and bad into the realm of irrefutable holy-ness…in entropy rather than order….

in the same universe where the subterranean taipei underground exists, light blue, with the goldfish swimming and swimming in circles and circles, I wanted to find a way to hint, to just suggest but never real, the intertwined nature of everything and everyone….

somewhat similar to constrasting the beauty of the redwoods, the purity the simplicity the holiness, to the urban decay of the LA river… and yet people still find ways to romanticize the urban decay… a coping mechanism or way to expand our minds? who knows…

the theme of embracing the vulgar and the elegant appears in the calligrafitti concept as well…. maybe I can try to render a few examples with AI for inspiration. 

anyways, besides that I feel like a hermit as the temperature drops. and maybe this is a great time to be a hermit, to let myself fall back into my own artistic world and just create from the place…. not talking to anyone but my partner or coworkers sounds pretty great to me at this point in time. 

(amendment):
thought of a scene of a goldfish swimming in bowl, trapped, in the middle of LA river on the rocks

fish out of water, it looks like its in the right place, appears that way from the eyes of the fish but there is an unshakeable feeling that something invisible is separating it from its world, its ecosystem, but the fish is unable to see the clear glass dividing it from all else, and it keeps swimming in circles and circles and circles

is this what it feels like to be trapped in a city?