mid august: as an emotion worker

mid august, mid august. little by little, I become more used to the rhythm of work. I'm now one of the first ones to finish. progress is slowly inching along, and so I've decided to reward myself with a little solo summer evening outing to my favorite brewery, homage today. although the air is a little cooler and breezier outside, somehow the air in the house is still hot, stifling. but i've managed to find myself a nice little new corner at the perimeter of the bar seating at homage, right under the industrial fan and next to the vinyl dance floor. a new vantage point. I really am a creature of habit at times, and it's refreshing to make little changes in my life to break out of a pathway before it becomes too set in stone for me. 

I'm currently facing the metal refrigerator door. it's pretty big, and there's a few polaroids and stickers stuck onto it. I'm wearing a new brown lax jumpsuit from los angeles apparel. my hair is getting long, its pitch black. they're out of my usual city pop lager, so I'm trying a new wheat beer today. light and refreshing. 

I feel like this is one of the most mundane posts I've made in a while. I'm not entirely sure what to write about this time, just trying to get back into writing, open that door inside me so that my feelings can continue to flow naturally.

watching strangers. recently watching the bear. one of the attendings I work with has been fun to exchange music with. music is such a simple pleasure that somehow, it really hits when I feel I can connect with someone over it.

working in the psych emergency department is enjoyable so far, especially now that I've gotten past the rough first week or so of adjusting to a new environment and understanding expectations. I like it. It mostly doesn't really feel like work. well, feels less like work rather than more. just talking to people, hearing their stories, trying to support and guide them in whatever way possible, whether that means connecting them to other people and resources, offering medicines, or just helping them understand their emotions better. 

an emotional worker of sorts. it's pretty wild actually, the range of people I get to encounter and intersect with. immigrants coming in from a traumatic experience migrating or being held in a detention center, a psychotic man accused of murder, a young woman who's husband passed and who doesn't know a single soul in another country, children exposed to abusive parents, children exposed to neglect. people that are un-anchored in one way or another. people who have encountered misfortune. people who struggle with things that there isn't an easy answer for, an easy explanation to. 

I really do enjoy it. I feel pretty level headed most of the day, feel like I can connect to others with relative ease, and understand where they are coming from. 

as an artist and musician, it's interesting being so soaked up in other peoples emotions rather than my own. almost like a kind of liberation to mesh into the ego of others. listening to music while writing the notes helps. and I do enjoy the increased amount of writing I've done, sharpening my persuasive skills. overall, I'm very much enjoying it! and keen that I got my last letter of recommendation sorted. now all that's left is taking my exam soon. 

and with that, godspeed…. until next time.