reminiscing about the cosplay community - and how do i find my place now?

My first post! Hi there! ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰
Today I'm gonna talk about my experiences growing up in the cosplay/convention community and how much I miss it and truly learned from it.
And asking myself "how to find my place in a community as an adult in a new state?"
this is not good writing. im just airing out my feelings

Background

 
I just moved to NC, but I'm originally from South Florida, which is where I met cosplayers and attended cons.
I was about 13-14 (2016), in middle school, when my friend introduced me to Love Live! and it was love at first sight with Honoka. I was also somewhat of a vocaloid fan when I was in 6th grade, so that helped too. He was also a cosplayer, and I found out all about cosplaying through him. I was hooked, and I honestly don't remember why he sparked my interest at this point, but we had a lot of fun together!

By the following year, I was stacked on Honoka merch I begged my mom to buy me, full-fledged cheer Honoka cosplay, and I believe wigs for You and Ruby. But I was not necessarily part of any cosplay community yet, not until my friend introduced me to some of his friends, which is where I quickly found out that Instagram was a hub for this seemingly very large friend group. So I made a new account and joined in on the fun. My first post was me in my Ruby cosplay holding up an Aqours second-year towel, which gained some traction thanks to his decent following.
My friend also started an Love Live! cosplay idol group in 2018, which I joined and got lots of support on from community friends. I still laugh at myself asking my mom if I could join (lmao).
I was on my way!
I was about to embark on a year of the good, the great, and even the ugly.

A Year of Magical Surprises!

It's late 2018 - 2019, I was 15-16 years old, and I spent the year attending cons, posting on Instagram, and having the absolute time of my life, feeling so loved. All our friends viewed my friend and I as an iconic dynamic duo, which was accurate; we were best friends at this time.
I felt like a star attending/hosting panels, meeting Instagram friends IRL, and having everyone be just so excited to see you. No, I'm not that self-centered; the point is that everyone always lifted each other up and that's what it should always be about!
I crave having endless fun with such a loving community again.
Here are my top favorite memories:

In June 2019, a few people went above and beyond at the con that took place just days before my 16th birthday. We were friends with these two boys, a couple, and they wrote a little note for me along with some stickers in a Minna no Tabo envelope that I still have on my wall. They were so sweet and cool and I hope they're well.
There was one girl we were friends with that I remember very fondly; she was obsessed with Ariel from The Little Mermaid and would cosplay her a lot. That same day, she grabbed my hands and sang Part of Your World in the most angelic voice you could ever hear, one that attracted a big circle of our friends around us. I didn't know what to think in that moment. Like is this real? Am I at Disney World or smth? Idk, but all I could do after that was hug her as tight as I could. I'd do anything to know how she's doing today; she was so sweet and wholesome and I hope she has all the happiness in the world.

Our idol group had our first live in September 2019, and while it was a bit mediocre, it was so much fun. We met a Miku cosplayer last minute who wanted to perform with us. I remember that person very fondly!
That same day, we ordered McDonald's and hung out in the lobby, dancing to Don't Mine at Night and posting silly Instagram stories and Tiktoks. 

But my favorite moment has to be from November 2019, when I was Mina from BNHA during an event called "U.A Homecoming" at Anime Iwai in Fort Lauderdale. Based on a voting on Instagram and in person at the event, I was homecoming queen, and my friend was homecoming king. I know it was a childish BNHA cosplay event, but winning this title with my best friend who introduced me to this community, and having everyone there surround me with nothing but love and capes and a crown, it all felt magical. This place, this feeling, was about as close as you can get to Heaven.

That was the last convention I ever attended. After that, the pandemic came around and I became too depressed to do anything, as conventions were cancelled left and right. This is when I realized that cosplaying meant nothing to me without the friends and meetups I had. But we'll get more into that later.

Today, I still declare 2019 to be my very best year ever!

The Ugly Stuffs

I looked up to my friend a lot during this time. To me, he knew the ins and outs of cosplaying and conventions. He was the coolest person I knew, because it seemed as if he was able to do whatever he wanted.
I had fun, but I was also anxious because my mom always warned me about all kinds of things that could go wrong in a convention center or a hotel: don't go to anyone's room, don't go into empty rooms alone, don't leave with anyone except for (my friend), etc. Things that his mom seemingly never warned him about.
My mom wouldn't let me stay past 8-9pm or so, but he was allowed to. I was so embarrassed about that, and I apologized profusely almost every time we went to a con together. I thought maybe he'd be embarrassed to be associated with me or something.

There was one time where our mutual friend, let's call her Berry, wanted to stay the night at my house. I was 16, and she was about 20. I tried to keep the age a secret from my parents, but something happened where my parents found out; I don't remember the details. They even called my friend's parents to tell them about her age, but his parents had no problem with it. That's when it first hit me that his parents…really didn't care. 
We still went out together the next day, but it was a bit awkward after everything that had happened the day before. I think she was even mad at me, intentionally excluding me from selfies on the car ride over.

My parents, my dad especially, was so mad that I lied to them, but I was more frustrated than anything that my friend had more freedom than I did. But I was a dumb, naïve teenager.
Today, I thank my parents, because now I know that a 20-something year old wanting to sleep over at a nearly 16 year old's house is not normal. I don't think she was a predator or anything, but definitely still odd.
Teen cosplayers, please keep an eye out and listen to your parents when they give you reasonable warnings and advice like this 🙏

At least I can say I have more independence and experience now as an adult! So if I were to make any new friends here in NC, I could actually drive myself (and my friends) to cons for the first time. My mom won't be in the background asking for pics of our "costumes," as she endearingly put it (lmao). (In all seriousness I adore my parents, they're very supportive)

So, What Now?

It wasn't just about putting on costumes and dancing to idol songs for me. I loved the community I became a part of. I had so many people, on my phone and in real life, that were willing to come together to lift each other up no matter what! Differences in skills, appearances, disabilities, etc. were all overlooked because we're all here to have fun and hang out with our friends, and that's that! That's all it ever should be!
Now that I'm an adult living in a whole new state, I'm asking myself "what now? In other words, I wonder if there's still a chance for me to join a similar community. I would absolutely cosplay publicly again if I could find something like that. I feel like it's harder now, as many in the community are young teens, but I could be completely wrong.

Anyway if you live in the triangle (Raleigh - Durham area) and you know what I'm talking about (and also you're about 18+) please reach out! I wanna be friends so bad!! I've already seen many on Instagram that I think are so cool!
I hate being straightforward like this but that's the way I am. #autism

My goals are this: make friends, make everyone happy, and perform in an idolfest! It's something I've wanted to do for years, and I keep missing opportunities. If I can do all three, I'll come edit this post and say "yo! I did it!"

Lastly, if you're "my friend," you know who you are, how are you? I sincerely hope you're flourishing. Live your life as full and as wonderful as you can!

Thank you for reading this far ( ＾◡＾)っ💗
Maybe something will come out of this. Only one way to know for sure.

Val 🌟
June 2023